How do I cope being sexually harrassed by the man I take care of, as well as working in filth?

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I'm a Caregiver for an elderly man (I'm 55, he's 92!). It's not bad enough that I'm working in deplorable conditions, but ontop of that I'm being sexually harassed by this man, the man I am employed by, the man I take care of. I seemed to have gotten this position just in the knick of time, beginning to fall behind in my own rent. And so, when I was offered this job I felt it was sent from heaven above. I could get into the details of the house but it disgusts me to even talk about it. Anyway, I clean it to the best of my ability and daily while there, but truthfully... for all that needs to be cleaned, it still makes me sick as soon as I walk in there in the morning, As a couple months went by I just learned to "deal," and because I "really" need this job, in time I also learned to "accept" these conditions and tried to get over it, simply because I had to! And, I'm embarrassed to say that I did... accept it, that is. But then Another problem arose. This 92 yr OLD man "comes onto me, and 'sexually' harasses me!!!" I told him the first time that he was making me 'uncomfortable,' and he stopped for 'approx.' 2 months. And it took me almost that long to be able to finally relax and get comfortable again. And now, just this week, he started up all over again with his disgusting verbal comments (and it IS disgusting!). There's SO much I can say and tell you here that would even make YOU feel nauseated by, but I'll leave it to your imagination! It's 'Not' that I 'Can't' handle him, 'if I wanted to.' But I don't want to handle it, nor should I have to!! But my Question to You is... "do You feel that 'because he's 92' that he should be "let Off the hook, that I should dismiss it, and that I should be the responsible and professional caregiver, 'despite' him and despite his behavior?" The First time he verbally came out with what he did, I felt that I needed to let his daughter know. She just told me, "well, just tell him NO!" (I also think that 'she' believes that 'I' should be the one to take care of the situation. And 'this is why' I didn't tell her what's going on AGAIN now. I take care of this man, give him showers, and all that's entailed by a caregiver. I'm very dedicated and have always brought my heart to my jobs. There will come a day when he will become bed-ridden and my job will only get more entailed, more physical with him, and much more hands on. He's Not getting it! He's too old to even realize that how he's making me feel is called "sexual harassment on the job!" Would anyone of you stand for this? I really would like to know if I'M the one who is Wrong, if I as a professional caregiver 'should Know how to deal with it, and should be able to,' take it? I told him the 1ST time that he was making me feel very awkward and if that's how he
wants me to feel while there. He replied, "No!" And that's when he STOPPED for that 'almost' 2 month period and stayed on good behavior. But.. All to Start up all over again now! Today as he was coming out of the bathroom he came 'behind me' and started to rub my lower back- to my butt! I said, "would you please stop?" He said, "I like touching you like that!" (And, that's Only One of the things that he says to me!) I know I'm going to have to leave this job, but before I do, I guess I just needed to be validated- just in case 'I'm the one' that's wrong here...that it's 'my job' to take this, especially because of His Age!! What do you think? Thanks for your feedback. It's appreciated.

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I know exactly what you're going through. I go through the same sexual harassment that you go through. I've told his daughter about the harassment, she says the Dr. Said it is common for a man his age 93 years of age. I have told my agency about it. They don't seem to want to do anything about it. It makes me sick that I have to go through this. What about the care givers rights, if the shoe was on the other foot we would be fired.
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Lol, just Lol.
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OK Garden Artist, are you being deliberately obtuse? I didn't think Roxie's post was that bad even if it is 3 years late, in fact I have to agree with most of it, looking after randy old goats is part of the job, you either learn to put them in their place or move on. Altimeter = Alzheimer's... darn that auto correct.
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Roxie, I didn't read all of your post but I'm curious how altimeters affect caregiving.
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Well as a care giver , these are one of the things you have to deal with , he's not a filthy old man ! He's human and his mental state of mind , and what most don't know or understand , which if you don't understand , and anyone on this comment , replays , if you are not aware of this situation or educated on dementia or altimeter . You shouldn't be working for him ! Your not qualified , or educated Anough , your taking it the wrong way . As a caretaker , you should know this is what your gonna deal with . There are online reading info you can learn how to cope and deal with this issue and how to deal with elderly and what illness we all someday will have when we reach a certain age ! Even quilified , certified people find it very hard to cope and deal with these issues . So don't be affended , at least your there trying . This is not sexual harassment in my opinion . You can walk out the door . Your a adult trying to get into elderly care . Well your either cut out for the job or not ! And honestly honey , you not doing bad at all ! You keep him in line , be firm , and communicate with him to keep reminding him of your purpose there , and what he is doing is wrong , but I do believe his family should talk to him as well ! But put your pride and feelings aside ! And don't take it to heart ! It is your job . In elderly care , just like a child to teach them right from wrong , and yes , you need to tell him daily and weekly . Whatever , dementia and altimeter , you have to remind them ! get him into going places and doing things to get his mind into other things and off one topic , I've been where you are , I also care for elderly , and every care every situation and every client is different and challenging ! What works with one may not work for another , so you must try different things , I was more frustrated with myself then my client , for the reason I got into this profession to do and achieve my goal , and prepare myself for my own family one day ! As for frustrated with myself my meaning was : I had to try to do all I could to achieve and do the right thing , keeping good control , and being respectful , and not loosing my patients , and not being angry with them , in the same sence not taking it to heart or the wrong way , to relize my client has probably the worst disease you could have getting old with no control of there own , not even knowing what they've done . That's what you need to take inconsideration , plus comes a time when you can't do nothing . Because of this decease . But don't look at him as a filthy old man , just the bad little kid down the street . They need to be taught daily , and talked too , from the heart !your not that kind of girl , That you are not only there for the money , but for there care and to help there family by taking care of him and his house . And your family is allowing you to spend day after day taking care of him , shows your family cares for him as well . Communication is huge , but they may forget what you said yesterday , and you may have to remind him every day ! If I t's what you want to do in life , is take care of elders , than you gotta be able to overlook what they may say or do and handle it in the most loving and caring , respectful , and consideration way in your heart , and also to understand , this is hard on them as well .
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Sounds like this gentleman needs a male caregiver, hm?

No, you shouldn't have to tolerate sexual harassment at work no matter how elderly the perpetrator. There may be techniques for dealing with it that would be more effective - if he's stopped once, he can stop again - it's up to you whether you think it's worth finding out about them.

But you raise an interesting topic for debate: when AD/dementia manifests in unacceptable/disgusting/borderline criminal behaviour, does that mean that the sufferer loses his entitlement to be cared for? So, what should happen to him? I think I'll post it...
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I am dealing with the same sort of situation, but it has not become physical, yet, at the place where I volunteer. One client out of hundreds--and he targets me, only. His daughter says he has dementia so I feel like staff feel sorry for me but don't really take action because of his age and *possible* mental status (I'm not sure he really has dementia, having cared for someone with dementia.).

I just wanted to say I am so sorry you went through what you have, and that I hope you were able to find another job where you are treated with respect. I am a tough cookie, but this 80-some-year-old has to mutter only a few words, and my hands are shaking for a half-hour. I am frustrated the onus seems to be on me to deal with the situation.
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I hope you are looking for another person to care for. No one should be subjected to the situation you described. Advertise in your local newpaper and see if you cannot get another appreciative family to work with. This is not normal circumstances and no one should have to work under the conditions you described. I do hope you can find a new person to care for that will treat you good and appreciate your hard dedicated work. I know I appreciate and applaud those of you in this field. It is not always such a rewarding job and to me would be one of the most difficult ones. I know I could never do it but so happy we have good people with the love and compassion to do this. I will soon need someone for my 91 yr old mother and pray I can find someone like you.

Sunny:)
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Wow. I wish I could find someone like you for my Mom. I haven't gone to an agency because of the nightmares I still have about incompetent aides we hired (and fired) for my grandmother. You just don't know how much your dedication will be treasured and protected by a better family/care recipient.

While I do understand, "needing" a job...I have to agree that you can find someone much easier to care for, emotionally. I could never put up with working conditions that involve anyone regularly hitting on me. I hope you find a better match soon. I think the gentleman (aka geezer) you are currently caring for would do better to find a male aide, particularly as he becomes non-ambulatory and his condition worsens.

Keeping you in my thoughts.
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I agree with kazzaa.. look for another job first and then when you find one ..quit. A person's age or mental health should not be a reason to put up with any type of abuse. There are many people out there that will appreciate you and your help and they will treat you with respect. Put an ad in the paper and become self-employed that way you will be able to pick and choose who your clients are! Good Luck !!
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