Wouldn't placement in a facility 4 hours away from family cause behavior problems?

In doing research, at least I have learned that the facility that he is at that is 4 hours away, corporate has the same facility 45 mins from here. Wondering if they would transfer him there.

I will make the transfer happen if they will just agree to it.

Hi Haileybug! Who to contact depends on what kind of services are around in your BIL's location - where is he? Try Googling "mental health advocacy in [county] [state]" and see what pops up.

I completely understand and agree to what everyone is saying here. From what I know about him, his aggression usually happens when someone does something that he does not like.

We were told he was having behavior issues at a previous facility. I got the ombudsman involved and she stated that since the facility got a new administrator and new staff and started showering BIL with attention, she was not seeing anymore behavior problems. Henceforth, he has to be move to another facility and the same thing is happening.

There has got to be something that can be done. I am very convinced that there is something contributing to this problem. However, I am sure it is going to take someone with authority and power to do something but who can it be?

The ombudsman acts like she doesn't want to be involved anymore. Seems like she is noticing something that is not right. One facility has already been cited for illegally discharging him.

As an example of the sort of thing I mean, I searched "mental health advocacy Florida." I've no idea what state you're in, I just picked FL at random, so if you do happen to be there it's pure coincidence - I'm not stalking you!

Wiggle wiggle wiggle through a few search results and you end up at:

https://namigo.org/resources/legal-advocacy/

Try the same kind of exercise for your BIL's current state of residence and see what turns up. The point is: he does have rights, but if nobody's watching there is no knowing that they are being fully respected.

You need to be prepared for the possibility that BIL actually is doing as well where he is as can be hoped for; but I don't see anything wrong with insisting that his care is reviewed and his options considered. The more realistic you are in your expectations, the more likely it is that his health care professionals will listen to you rather than just try to get rid of you.

I too feel for Haileybug. Yes we know the background but at least she follows up & is resilient enough to come back.

What CM stated about finding a center nearer to you that may meet his needs is a good start. But realistically speaking as a RN, your BIL’s situation is between a rock and a hard place. As long as he continues to be a threat to staff and acts out in any way belligerently the probability of any facility accepting him is minute.

I know you are struggling with this as you don’t want to see your husband being overstressed post heart surgery. And also your big heart.

It may be hard for you to cope but there is a positive side. BIL is in a facility being taken care of. Many are not. You may feel his belligerence is due to being isolated from family.

So what if you had had a child at home and they bring over a friend that may or may not be a bully. Once the friend of your child gets belligerent and physical, would you take the chance of having the bully come back to play with your child knowing there is at least a 50/50 chance your child may get slugged and injured?
I bet not.

I sense your frustration. I just don’t have any good answer either....

Separation from the people he knows best *could* be one factor behind his challenging behaviours. The trouble is that a) it only could be, you can't really establish that as a fact; and b) that doesn't mean he wouldn't continue to show aggression to workers he didn't know even if the facility were right on your doorstep. You can't blame managers for being risk averse.

These memory care units you've shortlisted, how far did you get with the process? They took one look at his notes and spat out the form?

You'd need somebody with the right kind of authority and qualifications to advocate for him and demand a review. Your profile isn't set up for private messages, but if you're happy to share information about where you are and where he is we can see what we can find out, if you like.

I'm happy to revisit this.

Hailey, you say "isolating him from all his family." There's your DH, who is not fit at the moment (wishing him get well soon), and you, and who else?

You say "when I call the administrator" - which administrator is this? The one at the facility where he currently is?

If the court has not awarded guardianship to any person or organisation, in what circumstances did the court deem your BIL to be incompetent? What was the hearing about?

The thing is, where do you want your BIL to be placed and cared for? You need first to identify a facility that is able to meet his needs, then work with them to get him transferred. Any possible locations you can think of?

Hailey,

Hang in there. I hope your situation changes for the better soon. You’re in a tough spot. Best wishes for you and your family.

Haily, has he been evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist? Have psych meds been trialed?

worriedinCali

I do not have to have authority as long as it is for my BIL best interest. My husband is the nearest relative to my BIL. Therefore, that makes me the closest relative to him because my husband and I are as one. Thank you

Just putting this out there.....the OP has posted about this situation multiple times and received the same advice over and over......

Could he have had a psychosis caused by being hospitalized recently?

Can you call the Ombudsman number, posted in the facility?

Are you the nearest relative with an interest in his welfare? Were you able to attend the competency hearing? Can it be appealed?

I don't understand. You say "a court" has deemed him incompetent. That must mean that there is a court appointed guardian for him now? And that person, or as you say the court, have placed him. It is not always an option when dealing with government funding such as medicaid, to find easy placement near loved ones. I am assuming you have spoken to his guardian to see if there is possibility of placement closer. As to whether it is good having family more near, I think that family is great to have around because patients are often treated better, sadly, when family may "pop in" at any moment. As to the person himself, it depends on how the dementia affects them; for some, family is great, and others are made dissatisfied and restless with family visits. Nothing is ever just black and white with any of this.

I know it is a controversial topic and I don’t know what side you’re on.

Here in Louisiana, cameras in nursing homes are allowed and legal. There are certain stipulations such as, cameras can only be pointed at the resident whose family wants it and not a roommate, which is understandable. A picture is worth a thousand words! Are cameras allowed? Is this something you would consider? Just asking? Not recommending anything. It’s your choice.

Four hours away is tough.

The home does not want to give up the money. If he is socializing he may settle in. This is a crazy disease, the person can do downhill very quickly and it has nothing to do with the facility. Why don't you go there and see for yourself?