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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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Primarily you are dealing with disinhibition: A short trip to the internet will bring you to the definitions, but this one suffices for my short answer. "What is disinhibition? Disinhibition is the loss or reduction of emotional and behavioral control, leading to an inability to restrain one's impulses, actions, and thoughts, often resulting in behaviors that are socially inappropriate, risky, or even dangerous. It is the opposite of inhibition, which is the conscious or unconscious restraint of certain behaviors or thoughts. Disinhibition can be temporary, such as from alcohol or drugs, or a symptom of underlying conditions like brain injury, dementia, or other neurological disorders. "
We all have different personalities, different moods, but most of us who are mentally stable can handle ourselves in a manner so as to be less problematic to those around us. In the case of many dementias, the person no longer has this control.
The more you can educate yourself about dementia the better off you will be; I really encourage you to access as you are able to help yourself. You might start with Teepa Snow's videos which you can access free on the internet.
My significant other was diagnosed with Vascular dementia. He is in a nursing home now. My distress didn't help him. I visit him when I can. It's heart breaking. Try to get a diagnosis that can drill down on what you can expect as his disease may progress. Your husband is confused and scared.
Go with him to a neurologist to get a more complete diagnosis. Tell the doctor what you are seeing. Get a doctor to review all of his past medical history, if you can gather all the records. It could be he had some form of mental illness prior, maybe even undiagnosed, and he was able to function and appear "normal" until his brain started breaking down. He could be experiencing bouts of confusion. Imagine how that must feel to him. He could become frustrated and angry as he doesn't understand why his brain is failing him.
When my husband is agitated and I try to figure out what is bothering him, sometimes he will point to his head, and start crying. He is indicating his brain isn't working right, and it is scary and frustrating for this once smart man. I just give him a hug and let him know I understand he is scared and I'm here for him.
Dementia will damage the brain in many different ways. My mom had so many different personalities that I lost track of who my mom truly was. On the other hand, my dad was just very forgetful.
Well Good question Froggie . My Dad would go through Horrid manic episodes , turns Out In his Old medical charts the Nuerologist read " Has Bi-polar disorder and Mania . Sometimes we do Not Know Our parents full medical history . I Know I watched My Dad have a nervous breakdown when I was 12 . He admitted going crazy and was taken to the VA Psyche ward where he escaped and went to the YMCA and got a full time Job . As he got Older his Personality changed because he couldn't be quite as active But the Manic , OCD episodes were too Much . They stopped after he fell and was Hospitalized in intensive care . The Brain Is Funny . I had a brother who was schizophrenic and Bi-polar and I saw a side come Out I had never seen before - he screamed at the Doctor , told me " he could smoke and living with me was hell . " I never saw this side Of him before he was off Most of his medication because of chemo and stage 4 cancer . Then while waiting for the Van to Pick him up at Dana faber Cancer center he started screaming at me again for 20 Minutes . I Let Him go , spoke with His social worker and I Just said " Ok let him smoke he will be dead in a few months . " and that's what happened . I was there for him But I Knew It was His life, His choices . Another friend recently came to Visit me and I was questioning whether he had dementia or schizophrenia they are very similar . At One Point he Looked 18 and bright , another time he Looked Like a child and I could see the Pain in his eyes , Then The paranoid schizophrenia came out and Aliens were talking to him and Beaming every at Him . Very sad what happens to the brain . My Dad would have good and bad days . When he sang his songs he was happy But when he was sanding the floor 20 Hours a day and scraping and spray Painting everything that was a whole other matter . Speak to a doctor , get yourself a therapist and all the support you Can get .
DH dementia is causing him to act in ways that are an uninhibited version of his former self . I’m writing my answer based on the fact that you are wondering why he acting a certain way.
You are acutely aware of this at this point as it’s new behavior and perhaps a new diagnosis. The fact that he has dementia is manifesting in ways you weren’t prepared for. No one is. Even people who have genetic predispositions for dementia are somehow surprised as no two people are the same.
This is the point of awareness where you must recognize what is happening in order to protect yourself…emotionally and physically.
This protection of YOU benefits you both. You must pace yourself. This terminal illness can last many years and you will need to manage both your lives. You may be in shock. You may not have realized how ill prepared you may be for news such as this. So, be careful. Realize that you are in new territory. And truthfully, there may be more of those stages to come where the behavior is noticeably “different”.
It will take time for YOUR OWN brain to accept that this has happened. That he is helpless against the progression and not at fault but his care must be managed.
As it progresses you will learn to cope and try to treat his symptoms as they occur. Support groups may be helpful. This forum is full of stories from the trenches and many find it helpful. We are here for caregivers. You are one of us. We are the club no one wants to join but are (mostly) happy they have found.
I am so sorry that this has happened. That you have lost the DH you married and still love. That he is now dealing with this horrible disease with the portions of himself that are still aware. It is enough to make one angry and despondent and more.
Do dive in to be prepared for the many decisions ahead. Watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube, seek symptom care from DH’s doctors, visit an elder care attorney to understand how you can manage your and DHs finances through this process. Make sure the paperwork is in order to legally facilitate financial and medical decisions. Visit facility care options should you find that necessary. Take time to treat your heart, your mind, your circle of friends and family.
When walking there is the “talk test”.
“You’re walking at a good pace if you are not so out of breath you can’t talk to someone.”
Remember that not only when you are on a walk but throughout your day. Don’t get so overwhelmed with caregiving that you can’t talk to someone. A friend, a spiritual advisor, a psychiatrist or psychologist, a family member. Stay away from those that deplete you.
Interact with the forum and you will get more appropriate help.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Has he gotten a diagnosis from a neurologist or other specialist? There are some medications that can help control his behavior but that may depend on a diagnosis of which particular form he has.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
"What is disinhibition?
Disinhibition is the loss or reduction of emotional and behavioral control, leading to an inability to restrain one's impulses, actions, and thoughts, often resulting in behaviors that are socially inappropriate, risky, or even dangerous. It is the opposite of inhibition, which is the conscious or unconscious restraint of certain behaviors or thoughts. Disinhibition can be temporary, such as from alcohol or drugs, or a symptom of underlying conditions like brain injury, dementia, or other neurological disorders. "
We all have different personalities, different moods, but most of us who are mentally stable can handle ourselves in a manner so as to be less problematic to those around us. In the case of many dementias, the person no longer has this control.
The more you can educate yourself about dementia the better off you will be; I really encourage you to access as you are able to help yourself. You might start with Teepa Snow's videos which you can access free on the internet.
Get a doctor to review all of his past medical history, if you can gather all the records. It could be he had some form of mental illness prior, maybe even undiagnosed, and he was able to function and appear "normal" until his brain started breaking down.
He could be experiencing bouts of confusion. Imagine how that must feel to him. He could become frustrated and angry as he doesn't understand why his brain is failing him.
When my husband is agitated and I try to figure out what is bothering him, sometimes he will point to his head, and start crying. He is indicating his brain isn't working right, and it is scary and frustrating for this once smart man. I just give him a hug and let him know I understand he is scared and I'm here for him.
You are acutely aware of this at this point as it’s new behavior and perhaps a new diagnosis. The fact that he has dementia is manifesting in ways you weren’t prepared for. No one is. Even people who have genetic predispositions for dementia are somehow surprised as no two people are the same.
This is the point of awareness where you must recognize what is happening in order to protect yourself…emotionally and physically.
This protection of YOU benefits you both. You must pace yourself. This terminal illness can last many years and you will need to manage both your lives. You may be in shock. You may not have realized how ill prepared you may be for news such as this. So, be careful. Realize that you are in new territory. And truthfully, there may be more of those stages to come where the behavior is noticeably “different”.
It will take time for YOUR OWN brain to accept that this has happened. That he is helpless against the progression and not at fault but his care must be managed.
As it progresses you will learn to cope and try to treat his symptoms as they occur. Support groups may be helpful. This forum is full of stories from the trenches and many find it helpful. We are here for caregivers. You are one of us. We are the club no one wants to join but are (mostly) happy they have found.
I am so sorry that this has happened. That you have lost the DH you married and still love. That he is now dealing with this horrible disease with the portions of himself that are still aware. It is enough to make one angry and despondent and more.
Do dive in to be prepared for the many decisions ahead. Watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube, seek symptom care from DH’s doctors, visit an elder care attorney to understand how you can manage your and DHs finances through this process. Make sure the paperwork is in order to legally facilitate financial and medical decisions. Visit facility care options should you find that necessary. Take time to treat your heart, your mind, your circle of friends and family.
When walking there is the “talk test”.
“You’re walking at a good pace if you are not so out of breath you can’t talk to someone.”
Remember that not only when you are on a walk but throughout your day. Don’t get so overwhelmed with caregiving that you can’t talk to someone. A friend, a spiritual advisor, a psychiatrist or psychologist, a family member. Stay away from those that deplete you.
Interact with the forum and you will get more appropriate help.
Big hugs to you AK, and welcome to the forum. 💐
What type of dementia does he have ?