I am worried about my own well being. I am 60 years old, my mom is 88. She is a widow. I moved back into her home three years ago -- having me here keeps her out of assisted living. We generally get along.
My mother has some short-term memory problems but is not Alzheimer's. She is very hard of hearing. She can only move with a walker and has problems with balance. She has problems with depression and endured a bad marriage with my father who is deceased. Her health is maintained as a type 2 diabetic with a heart problem.
Here is my problem.
My mother has always yelled and shrieked at me. For as long as I can remember. There is at least one period a day where something upsets her and she explodes. She has a very loud voice, it can cause headaches.
Things are getting worst as she ages and becomes more forgetful, and is unable to hear my answer my questions. She also is angry that I "ignore" her -- i do not.
I have accepted that I will not change my mother, and that I will never completely accept being shrieked at. it is simply how things are.
Here is my question. I am increasingly internalizing stress, developing headaches over "fights" like i had with her tonight, and frankly, and getting more miserable.
I am not a depressive (have been told so by doctors), do not take psychiatric medication or tranquilizers (I refuse to), do not drink or take drugs.
I do not want to see a psychologist or psychiatrist to help me deal with stress. I have tried this before -- it is not for me.
I also tried going to a senior care giver group that was offered hers for people living with family members who have an onset of dementia or alzheimer's. . I got little out of it. It was mostly people talking about how stressed out they are.
Now, my question is where can I go?
Are there any books I can read?
I do have two sisters who live about 1000 miles from here who do talk to my mother -- but unfortunately, I do not have enough of a relationship with them to talk about things. This is not going to change.
I am so tired -- and down right now I am not sure what to do.