Hi! Hoping I can get some advice. This is my first post and it's actually just come off the back of an argument I just had with my mum, argh!
I'm 18 and my mum is 56. She has never been formally diagnosed, but it's clear that she's suffering from depression and anxiety. She also has, to some degree, OCD and hoarding. About 9 years or so ago, her relationship with my dad turned sour and he's been living in the garage with no access to the house for about that long (basically if their bank accounts weren't linked, they would never talk). In about 2009, my brother left for boarding school during his HSC and hasn't come home since. My brother has ADHD and when he was home, it'd be arguments non-stop with mum. So pretty much over this time, she's progressively gotten worse. Now, the only time she steps outside is to do some gardening, laundry, check the mailbox etc. She also can't help but have things clean i.e. everything that comes in the house from outside MUST be cleaned/wiped with a damp cloth and disinfectant. As you can imagine, this was a problem for everyday of high school as my backpack, books, laptop etc had to be cleaned before I could use them inside the house. Also, seeing as she never leaves the house, I've had to do the weekly shopping after a day at high school/uni or when i'm out. This usually takes quite long as my mum picks items from the special catalogs of multiple stores i.e. i'll have to go to multiple supermarkets to do the one shop and then catch the bus home.
Coming from an asian background especially, family is always first and sometimes when I point things out to her that I'm annoyed with (usually something to do with her cleaning and me not being able to finish some uni/schoolwork), we'll end up in an argument. And from there, it all goes off. I know that I should just stop and walk away but when I'm angry it just doesn't happen and then I just end up feeling terrible. I feel I should just listen and obey to everything she asks and not say a word but it's hard. The worst thing is that my relationship with her is such a paradox! We literally share everything, I'll tell her about all the things that happened at school/uni, about people I met and things I saw while I was out and she'll tell me things she heard on the news and tv and what she did that day. But then once or twice a month, we'll have an explosive argument and it all seems like hell for about a day or two. Does anyone else have this experience?
I've never posted anything online like this and I thought it might help me a bit.
But yeah, I'm just looking for some advice on how I should think about the whole thing and whether I should try to help mum get better and how?? Anything would be appreciated.