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We are doing things we've never had to do before, often solo, and no one really understands who hasn't been there. Even spouses or siblings, who may/may not share in the caregiving, don't experience as we do, and view it from a different perspective. Long distance siblings and friends and family aren't able to share our concerns or burdens, except peripherally. No amount of conversation can bridge the gap entirely.
I think of our loved ones, who must feel a variety of emotions, while losing their spouse or independence, or suddenly being cared for by a friend or family member when they can no longer adequately care for themselves. How can we communicate our mixed emotions, grief over the losses, and separate perspectives? It must feel just as lonely to them, even though they are with us every day. They are losing the abilities to care for themselves, and cannot share that experience with those of us who have entered into the realm of caregiver, sometimes by default.
Each of us, in our own way, experience lonliness. A son or daughter who has to make decisions they never imagined, often against the desires and wishes of siblings, and sometimes against a cognitively declining loved one. And even when we think we have their best interests at heart, sometimes our ideas collide with those of others, including the one we are caring for. Often there are no clear cut answers, and each situation is different. Who can guide us? Yes, it definitely does feel lonely at times.
Those of us here on this site are reaching out for answers and comraderie. We may understand another, in part, but each person and situation is different, just as in every facet of life. We ultimately are alone, to think, feel, and experience. But there is one who knows, sees and understands all, and is our hope. Humans and emotions may fail us, but there is one who once also felt lonely, who can now guide and comfort us. We don't have to be lonely if we have faith in the one who truly sees and understands. Our help is only a prayer away. I hope this helps. Just know, it may feel lonely, but you are not alone, and someone is praying for you. Take care!
God Bless. Fernando
You can give without loving, but you can not love without giving. We love, therefore we give.
Our parents/loved ones don't seem to understand what we give up to care for them and it's not like we want them to feel they are a huge burden to us, but sometimes we wonder if they consider what their lives would be like if we were not there for them. Sometimes we wonder if they realize what we are missing in our lives in order to take care of them. Many of them just seem to take it for granted that we will always do for them.
Many of us have husbands, children and grandchildren. We love these people and their connection with life, but we can't tend to them and that part of our life they represent because our time is so limited.
There is nothing spontaneous about a care giver's life. Your grown child can't call and say, "Hey, you and dad want to meet us for dinner tonight." I mean, yes they can call, but you can't go and, of course, they know that. Taking a trip to visit family, your grandchildren who you love, is like planning a trip to Europe. It's takes a lot of planning and it's expensive.
Yes, what we do is good, but it is lonely. We miss out on a lot of life and sometimes we can't make up for the time we spent care giving because we or our spouse become ill.
I'm not knocking being a care giver. I'm just offering an answer to the question that was posted.
My heart and best regards go out to all who care for loved ones. Cattails.
Through this board I have a lot of friends n found out I am not alone yet, we still have r own situations. I learn also here that a good book to read about AD n Dementia is called,"The 36-Hour Day," by Nancy Mace n Peter Rabins. This book has helped me understand n how to deal with situation n how to just let go n don't let it bother you. Respite care is a plus if you are able to afford the help so that you can get a break n be able to just breathe for a few hours. Their is an agency that has help me with several local resources in my area. It is, "Area Agency on Aging." If you go to this website, www.seniorslist.com and type in your zipcode it should locate a agency near your location. Through this Area Agency on Aging, we now have the mnl going to a local church for about 4hrs once a wk for respite care. This will help give the mnl activities to do n to meet new friends n we will get a small break. The respite care is not free n not sure if Medicade will cover? If you have any relatives that u can 'trust,' n they live nearby, maybe u can get a couple of hrs break. Through these resources it has helped me somewhat feel less depressed n I am able to better give the care the mnl needs, sometimes. No one is perfect for we sometimes learn as we go for everyone situation is different. Hope this help everyone a little.
Hang in their n if you need to vent then vent away for it helps reduce stress as well.
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