When do you stop bowing to their will and assert your good sense????

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There is that good old word. Boundaries. Since you know that the roles have been reversed, you need to make the important decisions. Ann is right . There is a difference in cookies and cookies. You need to separate the battles, pick the most important ones and take care of those first. As I say to everyone, take care of the legal matters first. Get POA for real estate, medical and legal issues. Then you can attend to the medical and safety issues. Do they have a trust, will?????? Take care of those too.
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Rather than reading "into" the question, I think this is a good analogy.

If someone wants to spoil their appetite for dinner by eating cookies, then so be it.

If someone is a diabetic who wants to spoil their dinner by eating the same cookies, you remind them or help them monitor their blood sugar before and after

There are levels to free will versus common sense - and is totally different than what gvergrl says about """brutal hateful parents that insist on owning your soul to their graves"""" - - - for her I feel sorry.

You might want to work on your response to the behavior first before throwing your hands in the air. Nobody makes us feel anything - - I have a problem with a needy neighbor who intrudes constantly. Her actions cause me stress - but I know I will never change her - I will change my phone number and boundaries.
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If they had ever listened to your good sense, would they be where they are now?
My head is mushy from trying to reason with unreasonable people. If I were an only child, I could take the bull by the horns, but unfortunately I just get to sit back and watch the train wreck happen. And then they will expect me there with a mop and a broom and be able to pull whatever they need out of my pocket.
I am going for anti depressants tomorrow.
Sometimes, we just have to let go...or pry their death grip from around our throats, which ever family dynamic you happen to have. I envy so much the people who had loving caring parents.
If that is what you have, then just sit down and talk to them. Assume that they heard you and abide by their wishes. If you had brutal hateful parents that insist on owning your soul to their graves... I'll fill you in on how my antidepressents work, because no matter what you do, nothing will help them.
Good luck.
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