My poor Mom got the horrible news today. Her close friend and invaluable helper passed away last night. She is taking it hard.
I am trying to find as much support as possible. This is horrible because he was a great friend and took care of the house and passed on mail notifications.
I'm going crazy trying to figure out what to do with comforting Mom, finding her a helper, taking care of the house and her mail from long distance. I'll see if I can get her mail sent to email and diverted to my address. I don't want to miss notices or bills.
The police came and went; his sister was at the house and arranged care for her cats. Beyond that, I hope I can find someone who may live there as a helper.
This is too much right now. Sorry for the droning on.
Why?
There is family leave for those who need it. This is clearly an emergency. Your mother has lost the help she depended on and you don't know how capable she is of sustaining herself. If you are the only child, and the only support system then you OWE IT TO YOUR MOTHER to either get there to at least assess her needs or to get someone else to do so.
Only you know if your mother is fully capable of sustaining herself without help or support, or a move to you or to care. If someone else can do an assessment, see to it that it's done. If not, and if you honestly cannot make it to where she lives, then you owe it to your mother, if you feel she isn't fully capable, of reporting to APS that she should have a wellness check in her home.
You can call APS and simply tell them you are very worried; you've no idea if your mother is in need of help now that she's sustained the loss of the only person caring for her. Ask them to make a wellness check and then check in with you.
This honestly is CLEARLY something worrying you or you would not have written us here. I don't see your simply throwing your hands up with "This is all too much right now". I will frankly tell you, no matter what each of us has gone through on this site, it was ALWAYS TOO MUCH. Many -- I include myself-- felt helpless and terrified. That doesn't mean we are free to wash our hands of it.
I hope you'll update us.
You don't need to explain yourself, you have already shared that it is a difficult relationship at best and you just can't do it. You have no reason to feel bad.
We do the best we can and that is ALL we can do. I say hooray for those that can drop everything and spend money they may or may not have to go prop up a situation like you are facing. Not everyone can.
I am glad to hear that she isn't struggling with the loss of her mate and you have a plan A and B for the house and cats.
You got this! You are doing great advocating for your mom, don't let anyone tell you different.
My mom is fine and there is no problem with our relationship. I am trying to preserve her ability to see her cats. This may not be a logical goal. Not sure. The place is a wreck due unseen neglect. I will try to do an assessment to see if it is possible to have the place cleaned out. The friend has a TON of stuff there which has to be taken care of first. I found out that an exterminator needs to be called also. At the same time, the replacement credit card I ordered was not delivered by USPS so that card is frozen. When I know more about still having employment Ill set up time to visit and look at the house. I set her up a corded phone linked to a cell phone so we can stay in touch by private phone from the Nursing home. She likes that.
Sorry for your loss and the loss for your Mother's friend.
I recommend either Boots on the Ground or APS, right away.
A long-distance caregiver can work out for you and your Mom, however there are times during the year that the caregiver needs to be physically present.
This is one of those times. Unknown people will be coming in, some having motives to enrich themselves at your mother's expense.
Secure the area.
I understand and respect that your job is exhausting and your own personal things are piling up.
This caregiver that passed was an extremely important part of your mother's life, especially since the person was living in your mother's home and caring for her. Your mother will be grieving this loss. Compounded by moving out the personal belongings of this person she had some type of relationship with.
You are planning for a new person or people to come into her life, either by living in her home or having your mother placed in care.
This is going to be a very confusing and challenging time for your mother.
Please try to take some time off to be with your mother during this time. This is her life that has been upended. It's not just a series of business transactions that need to be handled.
Your mother will greatly benefit from someone she knows and trusts to help her thru this giant change in her life. Are there any other relatives who can be there to help her if you cannot? Any other close friends of hers that can be paid to help her? I hope so.
Be there for your mom during this crisis.
ideally you can at least go for a short visit.
Assisted living is ideal. The peace of mind it gives is tremendous especially since you have so much on your plate.