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We have had wonderful times together the ones I craved when I was younger...circumstances and age brought a closeness and friendship of dreams.


Now he is questioning me like I am not trustworthy.


He’s very angry with me especially regarding family politics that he has no clear memory of any longer .


He also feel nervous about his finances and I am sure to disclose where everything is.


How can I help him and also myself to cope?

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This is totally normal and it could very well be a phase that he will come out of. He may be stuck in an in between stage where he knows some things - just enough to dangerous as they say. If he tends to get really agitated you might try talking to his Dr about an antidepressant. It made a world of difference for my dad. Now he has very few angry outbursts. Its worth a try. Good luck!
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Reply to EllenSW
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Daisy2766, it's tough getting old. Gone are the days when you can just hop in the car to meet friends for lunch..... first, hopping is out of the question, second an elder usually can no longer drive, and third most friends have either passed or moved away.

Food doesn't taste the same as taste buds also age. Eyesight is a blur, and hearing is muffled. Walking without feeling like you are going to trip is history. Stairs are a major challenge. And all those trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

If your Mom had passed, then Dad is also missing the love of his life.

As Plymouth62 had mentioned, find things to make your Dad feel important. My own Dad could fix anything, so I was always asking him for advice. So I would zero in on things I knew he enjoyed talking about.

Give Dad a hobby to do. Like creating a family tree. Drag out the photo albums and ask Dad "who are these people?". Oh how I wished I did that when my folks were still alive. Ancestry.com is fairly easy to use. And newspapers.com is so very interesting using a relative's name to search for articles way back. I found a boot-leg alcohol thief during the American Prohibition in my tree, and she was a female :P
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Reply to freqflyer
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NeedHelpWithMom Jan 31, 2020
I’m fascinated by ancestry. I want to do the DNA test one day.
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My dad’s behavior toward me is very similar. It’s disheartening on many levels but I sincerely believe it comes from fear of losing his self sufficiency and independence. It’s difficult for him to watch me gradually take over all the tasks that he used to do so easily, and loved doing. Rather than the appreciation I would love to receive, I get anger and resentment. What has made a difference for me is trying to include him in ways that he can feel successful: asking for advice on how to disconnect the dishwasher or wheeling him out to the garage to talk me through changing the blades on the lawn tractor, etc. It makes him feel like he still matters. Best wishes to you and your Dad.
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Reply to anonymous1010889
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Other than a cognitive decline I think personalities can change at times when a person is aware that they are losing their independence. I don’t feel it is always them being prideful but it might be fear, perhaps anxiety about finances.

I think sometimes they are trying to adapt to surrendering control and that isn’t easy for most people. Transitioning times are awkward.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Daisy, has he ever been formally diagnosed with cognitive decline by a doctor? If not, I would take him in (on another pretense, using a "therapeutic fib" that Medicare requires the check-up) and when there have him tested for a UTI (which often has no physical symptoms in the elderly but causes confusion and behavior changes). Also while there you can discretely pass the doc a note requesting a cognitive check. Then you will know what you're dealing with in terms of the source of his behavior. In addition at the doc's office, ask for the Medical Information Release form and have your dad authorize you as his representative so that the doctor's office can legally discuss your dad's information with you. If you don't have this, they cannot discuss it with you, whether or not your are a close relative or medical PoA. Are you his durable PoA? Does he have one? If not, this should be put in place before he has his cognitive exam.
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Reply to Geaton777
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