Don't tell her things where her answer is always the same and annoying to boot! I learned not to say a lot of things to my mom, to help preserve some sanity. With my mom, it's a LOT of repetition which drives me batty. Like if you say "rhubarb" she HAS to tell the rhubarb story. Every. Time. So, I NEVER say rhubarb and a bunch of other trigger words.
Call someone who actually cares and will actually listen and converse with you about YOU.
Don't take it personally. Just accept that you can't talk to her about a lot of things anymore.
Reading your profile, your mother seems to have an awful lot of problems for a caregiver to cope with, especially one who is experiencing severe pain on a regular basis apparently.
Sounds like my former mother in law and her son. I had a newborn and 2 older kids, the ex was working out of town 3 days a week from the time the baby was 2 weeks old. He did not have a physical job. Yet when he came home, he was out every evening and if I said I was tired, as in exhausted to the point of worrying about my ability to care for 3 children, he said, I am tired too. Sure, you are not providing any care to me or the kids when you are home. You go out every evening, and you get to tell your wife who is still recovering from childbirth you are more tired than she is. The crazy thing is I put up with him for another 15 years.
My Mum is hypercritical of any illness. As someone who has suffered from Migraines for 40+ years, anytime I got one or worse took medication for one, I was told she never gets a head ache. Also criticized for taking the medication that allowed me to continue to function, instead of vomiting, crying and writhing in pain. She criticizes anyone who takes prescription medication.
That is classic covert narcissist behavior. I'm so sorry you are going through this. They will diminish anything you are experiencing in order to make their experience superior and of more importance. It is just best to share nothing like that with them. I have had to learn to accept that mom is not a person I can go to for comfort, so no venting, no complaining around her. "never let her see me sweat" is my new game plan.
It is because everything is about her, period. If I am sick, she is sicker, if I get hurt, she got hurt worse. Amazing how she gets issues the exact same time I do.
I have found not sharing any personal information is the best course to avoid feeling minimized and compared.
Knowing she doesn't care makes keeping things from her so easy and helpful to my mental health.
Call someone who actually cares and will actually listen and converse with you about YOU.
Don't take it personally. Just accept that you can't talk to her about a lot of things anymore.
How are you coping with this?
My Mum is hypercritical of any illness. As someone who has suffered from Migraines for 40+ years, anytime I got one or worse took medication for one, I was told she never gets a head ache. Also criticized for taking the medication that allowed me to continue to function, instead of vomiting, crying and writhing in pain. She criticizes anyone who takes prescription medication.
It is because everything is about her, period. If I am sick, she is sicker, if I get hurt, she got hurt worse. Amazing how she gets issues the exact same time I do.
I have found not sharing any personal information is the best course to avoid feeling minimized and compared.
Knowing she doesn't care makes keeping things from her so easy and helpful to my mental health.
Try it, it might work for you too.