Mom (80s) has lived in a 5-star SNF for 4 years and suffers from multiple chronic conditions, takes 10 meds daily, uses a walker but generally is not happy. She disengages from the other residents and refuses to participate in activities, shower, etc. The staff and facility are A#1 and have been a god-send! It is 15 minutes from where I live. However, Mom wants to move in with her niece, 2 other adults and numerous pets into a small 2-bedroom residence. This would be a 2-hour drive for me and I have medical and legal POA. Mom remembers when she was 15 years younger and she shared a residence with her niece. Mom also has cognitive decline with delusions, visions, etc. and is not rational, but according to her tests not bad enough to be in the dementia wing. Her niece is retired but in questionable health and travels for weeks at a time. She also has a laissez-faire style and would not enforce a med schedule or nutritious meals. I am worried that Mom would move in and things would not go well after the initial honeymoon period. Her niece does have some medical work experience but is not an LPN or RN. I do not believe that this is the best place for Mom and also I fear that her niece is really interested in her SS dollars. (She has a track record of lying, stealing and cheating others to gain material possessions and large sums of money.) I fear that Mom will move out of the SNF and then I will have a very difficult time getting her back in or at the very least locating another top-notch facility. Mom is a narc and very manipulative and is getting worse as she ages. There is no pleasing her and the relationship if affecting my health. Any suggestions out there?
Gena
Don’t give up her spot at this place.
What Mom WANTS is not the priority here . We all want things or situations that we don’t get .
We need to learn that we should not feel we are obligated to ignore the consequences of aging and try to make someone happy and blow up our own lives . Take it from someone who learned this lesson the hard way .
She’s old , very often that means no longer happy in general, no matter what .
I had a narc , manipulative , unhappy mother too , who expected me to follow her orders and take her out of her assisted living facility.
I finally , at my wits end , told my mother ,
” Mom I did not make you old , I can’t fix old “.
Stop trying to make your mother happy.
Google "Out of the FOG".
As you are a grown adult I trust your judgement to weigh a "5 star" facility against a "lying and cheating neice".
Talk to the social worker at the snf for help intervening if this talk continues. Unsafe environment at niece's etc based on her medical needs.
Don't even entertain it as a possibility.
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