Don't get me wrong. I usually don't mind cooking meals for my mother and ensuring she's comfortable, however, she abuses my son's and my good intentions. Is it because people with any stage of Dementia are all self serving? I always remember my mother inviting me over for breakfast and delicious dinners and I would reciprocate by cleaning the kitchen. I really miss those days. I'm almost 69 and have chronic pain in my lower back, knees, arms and shoulder. Lately with the onset of colder weather, I have been in much more pain as usual. This evening for example, I ordered a pizza in because my pain level was between a 9 and 10 and I could not cook. One hour later my mother complained she was still hungry. I became very irritated and begrudgingly heated up another slice of pizza for her. This sounds more simple than it is. She has actually made a habit of asking me to cook something else shortly after she has had dinner. I told her this evening I could not wait on her any more and that I was locking my bedroom door to go to sleep. I told her if she had an emergency I would help her immediately. To make a long story short, I've been very depressed these last few weeks and feel like doing very little. If I cook the meals I feel I've accomplished all I can for the day. Am I alone with this problem or is there anyone else whose waiting on a LO and in some sort of physical pain? Thank you in advance for your replies and God Bless you. We caregivers are doing one of the hardest jobs out there!
I can’t speak to the dementia issues. That changes everything. My mom had Parkinson’s disease without signs of dementia. It was a personality issue for my mom. She has always wanted things a certain way.
If they weren’t done that way, there was trouble. Parkinson’s can cause some emotional issues. I believe my mom suffers with depression but will not be forthcoming about it. Sure, some of it is situational depression.
Parkinson’s disease is life changing but the literature on Parkinson’s disease states that depression can occur. Dementia can be present too but not in every case.
You have a totally different situation. It is not of your mom’s choosing if her brain is altered by a disease like dementia.
You may not be able to care for her as the desease progresses. She will become incontinent and before that need help toileting. If she has money, u may want to find her a nice AL now. If not, ur looking at LTC with Medicaid paying the bill and Moms SS and/or pension helping to offset the cost.
Its going to be hard to set Boundries. You can tell ur son's when she abuses them they can walk away. Sometimes they will learn that their actions will not be tolerated. Explain that gma's brain is dying and not to take what she says or does to heart. This person is no longer the gma they knew. If she starts hitting this is a problem. She may need meds for this or checked for a UTI.
She always treated me differently than her sons. Women were supposed to be servers, more like slaves if you ask me! Men were to be waited on. Oh yeah, well I remember my daddy doing a lot for her. My dad was an involved father too, he helped feed us, changed diapers and so forth. He played with us. My all time favorite was flying a kite with daddy.
My mom was happiest when she saw me working non stop in the house. If she saw me sitting down after being busy with a cup of coffee or tea she would purposely find something for me to do. Never got to drink a hot cup of coffee.
She looked at me having a few minutes to myself as being lazy. So ridiculous!
Does your mom have this attitude? I do empathize with you. So sorry that you are dealing with having to attend to her when you aren’t feeling well.
I'm reading a book called "Coping with your difficult older parent"
Anyway, there needs to be boundaries for things to work.