I have lupus and fibramyalgia. I get about 3 hrs sleep per night. I care for mom in her home 75 miles away from my home. 2.5 hour drive in CA traffic. I need a break. I need to go home. Been there 6 short hours in 2 months. Had to pay $340 to get it. My 5 cats are being neglected. I live in very rural area so help for them is also expensive and difficult to trust just anybody. I lost my disability because I am mom's DPOA and have access to her checking account. She barely has enough monthy income to meet her bills. But in another bank she has savings and cds worth over 400,000. This amount disqualifies her for all assistance programs. But the bank will not accept the DPOA so I can not transfer any funds to checking to pay for respite care. Mom has Parkinson's and Alzheimer's. She needs full time care and 24 hour supervision. I'm worn out. My health and emotional state are fading fast. What can I do? Its a 5 hour drive to my house and back. Most volunteer respite programs and daycare are for 4 hours. I have had my babies for 8 years. My pool needs cleaning and my weeds are out of control. My house is in high fire danger area. My house is by no means accesible for a wheelchair or any other aids such as bath bench heat air conditioning ect. Too many stairs and throw rugs. Mom refuses to stay in my home. And my brother has been robbing her blind every chance he gets so house can not be left for him to empty out. What can I do to get rest and peace of mind and time with my babies????? Any and all suggestions are appreciated.

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Both of my folks started out with $400k back in 2014 when they went into Assisted Living. Been spending between 5-7k a month for care and they were bringing in SSI and VA Aid and Attendance as well. Dad passed in 2015 so mom's survivor benefits went down to 2k a month TOTAL between the 2, SSI and VA. She STILL has $225k left in savings as of today and her monthly rent is $6400 not including Depends, copays for Doc, and extras.

Get your mother into Skilled Nursing immediately! You can get a shared room for her to cut the costs. She has more than enough money to last for several years before you have to worry about Medicaid!
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Agree with Ahmijoy except she won't qualify for Medicaid if she has $400k in savings and CDs. I would enlist an elder care attorney to see what you are legally able to do. So sorry for all the stress this is causing you. You are not alone and others will provide more good suggestions and encouragement.
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IMHO, it’s past time to throw in the towel. You can’t be a good caregiver with all this you have on your plate. Start researching facilities for your mother. Since you have DPOA, you don’t need your brother’s permission to do so. Use the money in Mom’s account to self-pay until she’s under the limit (this is called a spend down) and then file for Medicaid. Find a facility closer to you. It doesn’t need to be one of those fancy “resort” facilities. If there are assets and a home to be sold, see an attorney and use Mom’s funds to pay for the legal advice. You will be of no use to anyone of you collapse and wind up in the hospital...or worse.
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