Or the man I care for. I moved in 5 yrs ago to help mom and step dad. I worked full time, then part time and then my mom died 4/15/16 and I quit working and took on caregiving and running the house. My stepdad has 5 biological daughters and I’m 1 of 2 of his stepdaughters. Only one of the biological comes to help for 3 weeks every 5-6 weeks. When she’s here I do get a little time to myself but not w/o judgement. I wonder how it’s so easy to make a choice to not help? I wonder if their choice is more intelligent than the one I made? I’ve lost relationships over this. I barely get to see my 4 year old granddaughter. I never go anywhere. I have no life of my own whatsoever. Every thought, decision and move I make is about caregiving. I’m lucky if I make it through a day w/o crying. I miss waking up and only having to think about anyone but me or going to bed whenever I feel like it. I have to force myself to face the day every morning! I promised my mom I would take care of him if she went first and I will but I’m losing everything that matters to me in the process. I never knew how difficult this would become!!! The incontinence, dementia, fear and insanity of it all!!! Feel so overwhelmed and crazy! Lonely too! Everything my parents own is mine when my stepdad dies but to me it’s just another burden I don’t want to deal with!!! I’d rather be having my own life with my own choices! I could go on forever!!! Just needed to vent and I hope I’m not the only one who has felt this way. It feels wrong, selfish and evil to wanna run but that’s how I feel. Wish I could find a way to go back in time and actually enjoy caregiving again! Can anyone do that for me ???
I miss my mommy so much!!