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Hello everyone. I am caring for my husband who has stage 5 Alzheimer’s. His personality and behavior just suck now and they get on my nerves. He is not violent, just noncompliant. And he screams VERY loudly when he does not want to do anything, including going to the bathroom with me to clean up the fecal mess in his diaper. The screaming is new and it is by far the worst behavior that I am having trouble to handle. He is also like this with the caregivers. I am wondering that IF he was in a facility now (nursing home or memory care) and behaved like this (screaming and noncompliant), what would they do? Leave him in his mess or discharge him?


Two years ago, he was in an adult daycare and was noncompliant and verbally abusive. He was discharged after just 6 short months.


Anyone have a similar experience?

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As usual, Countrymouse is spot on. Your husband was in Adult Daycare which is different from a Memory Care residential facility. He will, of course, need a complete psychological evaluation. Let his doctor lead you through this.

When my mother was in a skilled nursing facility, there was a man across the hall whose behavior was very unpredictable. He could become combative. He could be very loud and foul-mouthed. But, on one visit, he was calmly sitting in the lounge and wished my mother and me a happy Mother’s Day. The staff handled it, and as far as I know, he’s still there.

As CM writes, you are not alone in this journey. Let people who’ve been there and done that guide you. Good luck and please come back and let us know how you’re doing.
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Here is a thought that I hope you will find reassuring (that's the aim, anyway).

We as family caregivers become very experienced in the "little ways" of a few people - say, between one and five, in the course of our lives. But we also have an impact on the people we care for: our anxieties, hurts, desperation, frustration do feed back into their behaviour.

The trained professionals who lead and work in specialist dementia care units, though, will have dealt with dozens if not hundreds of people, exhibiting the complete spectrum of challenging behaviours. They are not emotionally invested in the situation, though they may be highly dedicated to their vocation. They are taught and then go on to develop techniques in practice. They have an entire repertoire of different approaches to use when they are solving problems.

Which means they are going to be far more knowledgeable than we can be, simply better at the job, and far more practised at finding ways round obstacles.

So... don't attempt to solve in advance problems that they expect to manage over time, once they have taken charge of your loved one's wellbeing. Instead, spend that time and mental energy on researching the right facility for him.
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