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I do not mean it that way but, yesterday was bad. Dad must have come in our area over 20 times for I do not know what. Lots was stupid little things. He can talk to his son but when he does it over and over in one day. It drives me crazy. Sometimes it feels he treats his son stupid with details over and over again. We ask him to write things down when he gets these questions in his head, but he will not listen. We have set down to make him understand we have boundaries, but he constantly breaks them. When we have these talks he pouts in his room for a week. He does not understand we need our own time, he claims he has important things to say to his son. After each time I asked my husband was it important he says no.


All the sudden he's been asking about his pills and why he is taking it, we explain why, but no he becomes the doctor for himself.


He will not listen to himself or us, claims to forget all the time.


You might think he's only been with us a couple months, I would tell you no way, out of our 47 yrs. together he been with us over 40 years.


So think again about you complaints, but my advise to anyone taking in a parent talk about it and make it a short time and tell them that.


You as a couple are not nurses or doctors.

Cognitive decline can come on so slowly that if you see him day to day, you may not notice it and think he's doing things on purpose. I constantly have to remind myself of my Mom's cognitive issues because sometimes it honestly feels like she is doing annoying things purposely, when in reality she can't help herself.
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Reply to Happyplace
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I don't think the elderly do think they come first. I think it's like the other responders on here have said. They are scared and feeling vulnerable and need more reassurance.

Now don't get me started about new mothers. I can't count the number of times I've had to dart out of the way when some woman with a baby stroller nearly took me out cause she felt she should be in front or gave me a dirty look cause I didn't get out of her way in five seconds. Sorry, playing the mom card doesn't work with me. I think new moms (not all) but a lot of them think they should come first cause they have it so hard. I feel like saying sorry sweetie, if you decided to have a baby, then suck it up. They go to dinner at your place and plant themselves down and expect everyone to take over for them. I'll help but it's still your child so get over it.

Sorry, I know my rant was off topic.
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Reply to Gershun
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Sounds like a confused and lonely man in need of a visit with his doctor for some testing and evaluation for possible dementia. Also sounds like this living situation may not be best for him or you if everyone is burnt out and no longer able to live peaceably, maybe it’s time to look into alternatives
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Sounds like the father is developing short term memory issues and perhaps dementia. Boundaries are irrelevant for someone who cannot remember the boundaries or when they last asked a question or conveyed information to someone else. It's not at all unusual for a person in early to mid stage dementia want to remain around his/her "security blanket" person as they realize something is wrong and develop mild anxiety over what's happening.

I suggest an appointment with his PCP and some cognitive testing. Depending on those results, you may need to start planning for short term and long term care.
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Reply to TNtechie
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Since there is no information other than what you have given here this is speculation but....
It is possible he has some form of Dementia and nothing you say will be retained so he will continue to do the same thing.
If he has been living with you for 40 years and this is bothering you now is it because he has changed somehow? Possibly dementia is noticeable?
If this is something that you can not handle it might be time for a sit down talk with your husband about what comes next.
Either he stays and you will be caregiver as he declines more
or
He moves to Assisted or possibly Memory Care if that is appropriate.

Does he go anywhere or do anything? If not he may be bored, Adult Day Care might be a good option.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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