What support groups are available for dealing with the stress of having elderly parent living with me?

The responses have been so supportive thank you. This is just a tough time for me personally. My mother in law is in assisted living , I did not make that clear. It is the thought of her living with us again that depresses me. I think my wife needs to realize that one person cannot provide adequately when my mother in law needs so much attention. I think she may be starting to realize how much work it is ( she does see her most every day at the facility). I think my mother in law’s mental state is to the point where living with us is just not practical, I just don’t want to feel selfish about all this.

Hi Tox. This forum has been invaluable to me. More woman posting than men as far as I can tell but it looks like you’ve already reached another husband (bmiller) in the same situation if you are seeking a husbands perspective. Maybe you could help arrange for more of those times out with your wife as you say they recharge you. I care for my Mom and do understand your wife not wanting to place her Mom. I am single however so my decisions don’t impact another. Maybe with honest and open communication you can reach a compromise. My brother says it’s easier for me to care for Mom because I don’t have a spouse. I say I would still do the same even if I had a spouse but who really knows what I would be able to do in that situation and stay happily married. I would hope I could find a way to a compromise. Best of luck.

I spent a couple years looking for a support group. Looking for pretty much anything to help me cope.

I found this forum. That is all I found. Unless I wanted to pay for a councilor.

this forum really kept me sane. I continue to post here hoping that I can offer someone else the help I got.

the councilor was very valuable to me. But, that didn’t really happen often enough to be the kind of support I really needed. Just a friend I could talk to and rant would have been good too...but, realistically, all my friends were way past sick of hearing about it, which I am sure is very common.

come here. Often there is someone here to listen and offer sympathy.. and help

I have had the exact same situation for over a year now. My wife has no intention of putting her mom with Parkinsons in a facility. There are days when the resentment can be overwhelming. My wife and I did everything together, and that changed overnight. How could you not feel a great deal of resentment? On days when it’s worse, I’ve even gone online to look for apartments to rent, knowing full well how much easier my life would be if I left. But then my wife and I will get a rare getaway together for dinner or something and we enjoy ourselves, my batteries get a little recharged, and it reminds me that I don’t really want to leave her and leave her with this mess. And, yes, I consider it a mess and don’t feel the least bit guilty calling it that. Lastly, one thing I took care of many months ago was to let our kids know that they are to put us in assisted care if the time comes and never take us into their homes. I have no intention of ruining their marriages and consider it my last act of love for them. Best wishes. You definitely have a sympathetic ear in me!

Keep posting here, it will help. Being a care giver is a very difficult process, not just for the care taker but for all involved.

Many care takers lose their way, their perspective, they spend all their time and energy on the patient and forget about their husband/wife/children and how this is affecting them.

This is a good place to vent...I wish you well!

This online support group has been awesome for me.

Call local hospitals - many times they have a caregiver’s group. About a third of my group are men.

A good resource is PsychologyToday.com. Click ‘support groups’ on left hand side and at bottom of the screen. Enter your location. 

Hope this helps.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/groups/ga/rome

Feel free! :)

You won't be alone here, because the impact on family members is often discussed; but were you looking for a group with a larger proportion of husbands to it?

Vent away!

Will your wife consider placement? Does she know how you feel?