Has anyone gone no-contact or very limited contact with their parent and/or family member? How was this experience, what brought you to the last straw?
I currently have a difficult decision to make as my parent is truly driving me insane, this forum offers great advice from folks who have gone through similar situations with family members and so decided to post to get different perspectives.
I’ll explain, I’m currently 25 years old and my parent is 56 (father). When younger he demonstrated emotional neglect towards me and my mother. He has always been very cold towards me during my upbringing and although he did provide a roof over my head, my childhood was very much tainted with his personality quirks. Things like making my mother his basic slave, by doing everything and more for him like making sure everything was paid on time, not caring whether she wanted or needed any help, not talking to us and giving us the cold shoulder when he wanted something and we didn’t budge. Sometimes screaming at the top of his lungs when dinner wasn’t made by the time he was home (mother and I got home more or less same time as him). Just so many “little” inconsiderate things I could go on and on apart from the fact that he was miserable and almost assured to make us miserable too.
After 20+ years my mother finally divorced him. This was considerably very hard on him as he was never used to doing anything on his own. I also suspect he might have some sort of personality disorder from what I read, however he was never diagnosed. Also, his father was diagnosed with schizophrenia (in fact most of that part of my family probably suffer from different mental health issues). After the divorce it was very hard his health declined (diabetes, blood pressure, no insurance), he lost his job, and he didn’t have much friends or family willing to help due to his own personality inconsistencies. Gladly his nephew was able to take him in in another state where they offered insurance. I decided not to take him in as my husband did not want him living with us and frankly neither do I, even though I still care very much. However, from far away I still helped him get by, calling for appointments, applying for jobs for him, insurance calls, helping him financially sometimes. Going back and forth with issues regarding his health, bills, and family drama. I'd like to add he doesn't speak English, which was the main reason i tried to help (obv enabling now that I look back).I wouldn't mind if he somehow got his things together and didn't have so many problems. However, this has now lasted 3 years going to 4. I now realize this was enabling him and just can’t handle the stress of basically “helping” someone live their life in a productive way.
I’m at a point now where whatever I do for him ends up being turned on me ten-fold. Everyday has become a nightmare and I feel depressed. Currently making appointments with my doc and a therapist too. Whether it’s financial help he needs (I’m barely making it by), or I call and everything is going horrible (he can’t find a job, he is going to loose his new insurance, he can’t pay the car, his nephew doesn’t want him living with him). Just so many things… At this point my estranged sister offered him to stay at her place and move back to my state. This would mean he would have no insurance (and he needs it), and now he would be living only a few blocks from me. My sister is also for lack of better words a wreck in her own way. I specifically let him know I cannot be the one to live with him and explained that my husband does not approve.
At this point I realize this stress has affected me emotionally and I need help. However my question for you guys is: have you ever cut someone toxic from your life like a parent or perhaps went limited contact? How did it feel? What was the process like? I feel like my guilt of knowing he is not okay affects me so hard, and it’s so hard to let go.