My mother was in a car accident in the 1970’s which paralyzed her and put her in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. My step brother was 13, I was 9 and my sister was 3. For the next two years it was a continuous cycle of hospitals, doctors and rehabilitation centers. Mom is an incredible woman who made this work by shear will. She is truly an incredibly strong woman.
When she came home from rehabilitation the last time, we had two wonderful women come in to help in the house. The third care giver was me. During that time, my mothers and my relationship was that of caregiver and patient. It was not a good situation.
My father was working the farm as well as a job off the farm, and was killing himself trying to make enough money to pay hospital bills and support his family and remodeling the house to make it safe and comfortable for his wife.
She learned a new trade started a business in the home. She is amazing.
Our relationship never healed from our caregiving/patient time.
I left the home when I was 17, and made a series of really bad life decisions, but pulled it together in my late 20’s and early 30’s for my two wonderful children.
My dad was very supportive and tried to bring his family back together. He will always be my hero.
Dad died suddenly about 20 years ago. I agreed to move back to the farm with my son to help mom get ready to sell the farm equipment and property and have been here since that time.
I thought that helping at this time would heal my relationship with my mom.
My income has declined over the years. I have pointed out on many jobs because of medical emergencies and doctor appointments. I now work a part time job.
I never see my children because I cannot seem to get away from the farm because of financial restrictions or work restrictions. When I do it is wonderful. Every time I plan a trip some emergency happens with mom and I have to postpone the trip, and when I take her with me, I spend more time seeing to her comfort and needs than spending time with my children and grandbabies.
My nephew has taken over managing the farm, and he is wonderful, but they cannot seem to see how much care it takes to make mom independent.
The community here cannot get past the bad decisions I made in my youth, and admire my mom for her strength and courage.
Over the years I have made plans to move away, but something always happens. Mom had an accident and broke her legs. Continual infections that need extra care, an infection of her foot that was very serious….
Now I have missed the birth of a grandchild, a fifth birthday party of another, a new home purchase and moving party for another child. These are events I really wanted to attend, had planned for, but was unable to attend because of medical needs and event for my mom.
Now we are going the chemo treatments. She does not want to bother my sister, because she has so many more important things going on in her life, and wants her to be here for her surgery that will take place after the chemo.
She will not hire a care giver because she does not want the community to know of her special needs. My nephew is working so hard with his life and family and I just do not want him to have to help her with some of her needs.
When will this ever end? What can I do?