Every time I call my father all he does is complain how cold it is when he walks the dog, how busy the suburb we moved him to is and talks about maybe he should move back to Arizona. My sister started meddling and demeaning his cute little apartment and wanting him to move in with her even though he says he doesn't want to. We relocated him here in June after my Step Mother passed away. I was his only family member to help him. When I asked my sister to get involved then, she was vulgar and said she couldn't and she was no where to be found. I took care of the death arrangements, bill collectors, social security, Medicare, Medicines, etc and moved my Dad, his car and his dog across the country. We are $7000 in the hole with no help from anyone. My father and step mother had very limited social security income. When she died he lost over a third of his income. We spent many nights learning what his wishes were both medical and living arrangements. We had financial and medical POAs signed and a living will. I looked into keeping my Dad in his mobile home or anywhere in AZ and he just couldn't afford it. With his terrible memory, shut in tendancies, unhealthy living style (3-yr-old spoiled food, dog feces and urine all over the house and especially ground into the spare bedroom carpet.) He never cleaned, was dropping weight rapidly because he never really learned to cook and the bill collectors called 24/7, forgetting to take his meds and his health care group very concerned for him. I found him a modest apartment here in Kansas down the road from us to keep an eye on him, but also give him the space and independence he wanted, cleaned up his finances, put all of his bills on auto pay and I give him a cash allowance every couple of weeks. I cleaned his apartment weekly until I finally convinced my sister to take that over. I cook for him 4-5 nights a week we deliver the food. He has it really good. He has never been a happy man, thinks the world owes him and he complains. He can be very sweet to your face and very divisive when people take his complaining seriously. Some of his stories he tells hint at dementia. My sister capitalizes on this because she is trying to lure him to live with her to Missouri. My sister hated my step mother, accused her of trying to kill my Dad. My sister has issues. Since I took on all of my Dad's finances, he can now live within his means. I have stopped giving him more money a month than he has and he still has plenty for gas, food and cigarettes. Way more than he ever used to have to spend. I would like to start paying me back some of the $7000 we used to rescue him, but don't know if that is ethical. My Dad's memory has come back quite a bit. If he wants to move we are not going to help him do it again. My sister's meddling is keeping him in a state of unsettle. Maybe he should go move in with her. Maybe I should turn all his finances back over to him and walk away. My family has never been good to me and I don't really want a relationship with them. My step mom and I had a good relationship and I promised her I would take care of Dad and I have done that. I am an oil painter and I painted her for my father for Christmas. I do love him. My sister keeps making everything negative. This creates a lot of anxiety when I go to call my Dad or come by his apartment. There is no communication between me and her. She is vile and it does no good. What do I do? Whatever my sister is devising is currently a secret. My father truly has no better options for his well being. He is well taken care of here. My name is on everything, I am the one responsible for getting is subsidized housing paperwork in correctly and on time after the first of the year. Moving states again is no small task. I don't want to get stuck cleaning up another mess my sister and he create. I am POA, do I relinquish that to her even though he says he wants it to be me? Do I keep POA if he goes to live with her? Do I take my name off of everything and hand it back over to him so they can all figure out he has very little options? Since I did all of the work, no one quite realizes how dire and limited his options were and how hard it was to get things working for him as smoothly as they are now. I feel very unappreciated, $7000 in debt and the drama is giving me ulcers. I call him less and less, my husband and sons help me deliver his food. If I call too much he complains, if I call too little or stop by too little he complains he hasn't seen me very much lately. I know this is great fodder for him and my sister about how bad he has it. He is clean, well taken care of, eats well, has glasses, medical care, clean house, has his independence and lives within his means. I thought that was the goal. I helped him out of love, to take care of his needs, not get back into a messy tangle with a family and a popularity contest. No good deed goes unpunished. Help me please. I'm anxious and tired of it all.