My question is more about what I think is a likely outcome of the relationship I currently have with my narc mom with dementia and enabling dad. I believe unless I get an updated copy of their Will each time parents change it, I will not know if they disinherited me until the end of their life. I don't believe my level of care should be given in equal measure to what I might get via inheritance, but should be out of what I feel morally driven to. Up to last year, I did a lot and of course parents still criticized me. The last copy of the Will parents gave stated older sister is Executor and she is to take a payment of her choosing from their assets, then divide what remains with me 50-50. Sister and I have never been close. After an event of family mobbing against me last Summer, I chose no-contact with them all to try to save my sanity. It was a paradise like I never knew could exist.
Unfortunately the holidays rolled around. Husband and friends asked about my parents which left me feeling awkward about no-contact. I reiterate awkward, not regretful or guilty. While husband supports me, he does not understand how dysfunctional family can destroy you. I decided to try a "low-contact with boundaries" situation with parents. I called them after Christmas and kept it brief. During the call, narc mom managed to say she loved me, but I replied saying I was worthy of love and parents should love their kid. True to form, she sharply retaliated "and a daughter should love her mother". I just said goodbye.
My goal in establishing low-contact with my parents was to 1) not be blind-sighted when they are near death, 2) help if needed within my boundaries, 3) not look like the bad guy.
My parents are not wealthy. If anything remains after medical bills I believe my sister will take as much as possible just to get back at me for ignoring her. She will see it as a way she got to win in the end, and take glee in any pain she can inflict on me. I believe parents may be removing me from their Will now just to punish me for not being closer to the family. I know this sounds crazy, but this is what I believe is a likely outcome for me.
I could use a reality check. Am I nuts with this? Is there any way to have low-contact and come out with your dignity? If you were cut out of the Will entirely, did you feel resentful for the care you gave to parents who ultimately abandoned you? Thank you.