Hi, I have spoken about this problem a few times on this forum. The BIL issue.
I did block him for a while because too many phone calls were coming in. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and unblocked him only to have too many
calls in a week now and conversations that I can see agitate my husband who has Alzheimer's. To be honest I was in
peace for a while and now I am back to the stress again. My husband is getting
worse from what I can see on a daily basis. The rexulti that he has been taking for a few months now has taken
care of agitation so the start up of his
brother with all the phone calls again is
something I do not need. If my BIL kept
the conversations light I would not mind
but I have brought this up to him again and again. I do not want to take away
the only family member of his that calls.
Would like some advice again. And
wish everyone happy and healthy holidays.
Tell him what upsets your husband.
When my husband with Parkinson’s disease no dementia, but if he is agitated and even though he is rather silent type but I can see more shaking (usually he has almost none) so naturally we want to protect them from that.
We also have to protect ourselves, we don’t need additional stress!!!
just became grandparents 3 months ago and can't even enjoy that so yes I am over all the nonsense with my husbands brother because everything has been taken lightly on that side. No
clues what is going on. The only people
who have contributed anything positive
in mine and my husband's lives has been my side of the family. My sister understands and my cousin is a psychologist and she calls me once a
week to see how we are doing. My sister who is in her own hell takes me
shopping when she can. We help each
other if we can. No one on my husbands
side calls. One time I asked his brother if
he could come by maybe a couple of times a week to give me a break and I offered to pay him, he refused so I have
no use for him. Sorry maybe people think I am wrong to feel this way, but when my husband is no longer here I don't want to see tears or tell me how much they loved him. If you can't be here while he is on this earth than don'
bother at all. Sorry for the rant.
You’re stressed out due to dealing with your own health issues. Plus, you have a husband who has Alzheimer’s disease. That’s a lot of stress!
You are overwhelmed by all of this. Sadly, often when we are in this type of situation, logical thinking goes out the window.
Don’t feel badly about it. It happens to a lot of us. Just get back on track now and do whatever is necessary to achieve peace in your life.
Block your brother in law’s number and end your relationship with him because it is meaningful to either you or your husband.
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. Take care of yourself.
You don’t seem to value this relationship with your BIL at all. Nor do want him to contact your husband.
Your post is a little misleading because you state that you don’t want to cut off your husband’s only living relative. You can’t have it both ways.
Your brother in law isn’t going to change no matter what you say to him. So, just end the relationship if this is causing you so much grief.
Your say in a response that your husband told you that he didn’t want to speak with his brother.
You have misguided compassion for your brother in law by unblocking his number and expecting him to change. People don’t change at the drop of a hat. Some people will never change.
You’re not doing anyone any favors by answering his calls. You’re just inviting trouble for you and your husband. Either block the number or don’t pick up the phone. It’s that simple.
lower the music. He did this quite often.
It is so stressful.
It took me a long time to learn that.
First of all, I am very sorry that your husband’s situation is becoming worse. I read in your profile that you are dealing with your own medical issues.
It’s extremely difficult to be the primary caregiver. It’s tougher for you since you are also dealing with Epstein Barre virus, back issues and arthritis.
You certainly don’t need to have any additional stress from your BIL. You have explained your husband’s situation and for whatever reasons, it hasn’t penetrated his thick skull. So, I wouldn’t feel badly about blocking him whenever you need to.
How would you feel about giving your BIL updates periodically? You don’t have to call him and speak with him. Drop him an occasional note or send an email or text.
You will be able to read his responses and pass along whatever you feel is relevant to your husband.
Please take care of yourself as best as you can. I hope you have additional support so that you can rest when you need to. If you don’t, please think about hiring someone to help you care for your husband.
Wishing you peace as you continue your caregiving journey.
days and see what happens. I wish for
you and your family a happy and healthy holiday.
Like I said I don't want to cut him out
completely. I will block him for a bit and
see what happens. Thank you kindly and happy holidays.
Tell him exactly what you said to us, that you would not want to take his support away from your husband, his last family member, and that he has an important role here, but that you CANNOT and that you WILL NOT allow him to harm his brother by increasing agitation.
That simple. One and done.
Three and free.
Four and I'm out the door.
Your one and done got me thinking of a word game we used to play!