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My mother has chosen to live a life of barely getting by for the past 20 years. She's now 71 years old, but looks 100. She's not in good health (battling cirrhosis of the liver). She's with a useless man and has been with him for over a decade. They are living off social security which isn't much. Currently they live in someone's camper behind their house. They have no car. They rely on their landlord or a friend to take them to the store. They also smoke cigarettes! I dont agree with spending unnecessary money on an expensive habit that ruins your health. Her teeth are rotten and falling out of her mouth. I don't know what to do. I'm so disappointed that she lives this way, but don't want to be disrespectful towards her. I would take her in and take care of her, but I refuse to take care of him. I mostly stay away because I can't stand to see her like this and living like this. Do I tell her how I feel or continue to avoid? Btw, she lives a 2 hour drive from me.

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You didn’t cause it and you can’t fix it. Stay away.
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I’m sorry you’ve not had the relationship and mother you wanted and needed. It’s hard to accept the bad choices of others and not want to jump in and attempt to fix it. If you’d feel better telling her how you feel, then do so, knowing it won’t change anything. Mostly, protect yourself from harm emotionally. I wish you peace
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This is what she wants. If she has never asked you for help or said anything about wanting to leave the boyfriend for good, there is nothing you can do.

Sadly, unless an adult is proven to be cognitively incompetent, they have every legal right to make really bad decisions.

Even if she left the boyfriend, I would not move her into your house. You can’t save her. She won’t stop spending her money on smokes or whatever vices she has. She hasn’t had anyone tell her what to do and she will buck any authority you try to wield. Maybe a halfway house or group home would be a good idea.

Other than that, all you can do is wait for the cops to call you in an emergency.
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Cirrhosis of the liver is a terminal disease. Addiction is something a person will devote their entire life to, to the exclusion of all else, unless they WANT to change their lives. Whether it's smoking, drinking, drugs or overeating, addiction is all the same. It brings avoidance along with it, too. Avoidance of the dentist, the doctor, paying bills, living well, being responsible, etc. Its a lifestyle for your mother and her b/f, one they're accustomed to and very unlikely to change at 71 yrs old.

Tell mom you love her. Tell her how you feel if you choose, but don't expect her to change. It is what it is. Its an addicts lifestyle over the decades, sadly. I'm sorry you're bearing witness to the wreckage, but don't try to fix something that's too broken to BE fixed. Just wish her love and peace.
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You begin your statements with "My mother has chosen". That says it all. Either she can't see a way out of her circumstances or actually wants to live this way. She for some reason cannot or will not consider her health or her worth. Go ahead and tell her how you feel and that you wish she would help herself, but absolutely do not take her into your own home. The kind of care she needs you can't provide. You could look into some services she might qualify for, give her the information, and let her decide whether or not to take advantage of some help. From your description I imagine there is most likely a major health crisis on the horizon and that might change the situation as it stands now. If this guy she's with is really useless, he will disappear and then she'll get some help from the state in a facility for the end of her life. Visit when you can, but there is not much else you can do. So sorry.
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Your mother has chosen to live her own life in her own way with her own man and to treat her own body as she chooses to treat it.
What would you imagine you can do about any of that?
And if you think to take such a person into your own home and make it her home by doing so (as that is what happens the day she gets mail there), then if I were you I would think again.
Your mother will likely die of her cirrhosis at a relatively early age.
The system will care for her.
Please do not attempt to take on POA or guardianship.
Allow your mother to become a ward of the state with state fiduciary guidance when needed. They will do it all. They will hospitalize, will treat, will assess, will place in care, and will support through medicaid applications. DO NOT TAKE IT ON YOURSELF.

You are not in charge of your mother's life.
You are not responsible for your mother.
Attempting to change anything here will make NO ONE well and will make NO ONE happy.
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