Not showering, staying in her pajamas, wearing dirty clothes, refusing to go to the dining room, being rude to staff, etc.

ALs are just that, places where people need some assistance not 24/7 care. Their staff is limited because they are not suppose to have to deal with every resident. No facility, even privately owned, can force someone to do anything they don't want to. The State oversees all care facilities. We had one lose their Medicaid certification.

I think your Mom is passed what a AL can do for her. A LTC facility maybe better. Check out some in your area. I knew when I walked into the one we eventually placed Mom in, it was the one. Big common area. Big activities/dining area. The residents were clean and happy. Nothing is perfect but in hindsight we think we should have skipped the AL.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Does she want out of there? You could tell her a change might not be as nice. If a resident is not complying with basic living standards a facility really has no option but to have them leave. They are trying to create an environment that is pleasant. That means a few showers a week, dressing for meals unless they are ill, and general civil behavior. The opposite of that hurts the situation for other residents. A NH environment can't expect too much from residents as many are already too compromised health and or behavior wise.
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Reply to Riverdale

First, I'd check with her doctor to see if she has a UTI or something else going on. Maybe, she's depressed. Sometimes, meds can help.

I don't know the laws in your state, but, you might ask to discuss your concerns with the AL rep. When my LO did the things that you describe, the AL staff called ME to come and take care of it. I got calls every day, sometimes more. They had a rule about certain things and if she didn't abide by them, she couldn't stay. They could only spend so much time begging her to get up and dressed. They worked with her as best they could, but, eventually, it gets to the point, where her needs were greater than what the facility could provide. We had team meetings with the staff to discuss strategy, but, her dementia was progressing. And, she started wandering. So, her doctor re-evaluated her needs and prescribed Secure Memory Care. It was a huge improvement. The staff there were trained in caring for people who have dementia and she did so much better there. It was like night and day.

I'd discuss the options with someone who can recommend facilities that might better meet her needs. I'd keep in mind that at age 95, maybe, she wants to sleep in. I realize routine is important, but, I understand why they may want to sleep in. At the MC, my LO is given compassion and they work with her to make sure she's as happy as can be.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1

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