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I am the caregiver for my bedridden parent and the other has the beginnings of dementia. If I were to move out who would be responsible for their care. Who is responsible for their care?

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Just to check: your bedridden father who requires full nursing care has mental capacity, while your physically healthy mother is, you believe, showing signs of dementia? And meanwhile your mother, presumably, has been caring long-term for her chronically disabled child but is now no longer up to it?

So you are, quite understandably, beginning to burn out and need things to change. What changes would you like to see made? - getting your brother out of the way, simple as that? What is the difficulty with his alternative home, that your mother doesn't want him to return to it?

The question of who is responsible for your parents' care: as long as one or both of them retains mental capacity, they are responsible for making their own decisions and you are free to wash your hands of the situation. How would you feel about doing that, though?
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Wait, I think I posted an answer to a different question onto this question. Stupid computer..... (stupid user!) Sorry about that.
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Unless this is a hotel, there are too many people in the house. You are being taken advantage of and only you can put a stop to it. Sick Sibling sounds like a real undermining troublemaker.

If I were sick, I would not want to be in this kind of situation. I'd rather be in a nice quiet nursing home with meals and activities!

If the house has roaches, it is not fit for someone with respiratory problems like asthma or anyone else really. The house has to be cleaned, the source of the roaches' food has to be eliminated, and the exterior holes need to be plugged up. And it has to stay clean. There is probably a leak somewhere. The house probably needs to be smoke bombed, which means everybody has to be out of it for several hours, and a deep vacuuming after. No extra stuff laying around. If you see little brown "seeds" around, those are Roach eggs and it's not cured.

You have what psychiatrists would call an "enmeshed situation" where the crazy is feeding the crazy (in my own words). It won't get better until most of this caravan moves on to somewhere else.

Your #1 job is the safety and well-being of your charge - your dad. You need to do whatever must be done to keep him safe and healthy. The people whose names are not on the lease or mortgage can take a flying leap. It sounds like you have more than insect varmints to deal with. An infestation of mooching family is just as bad.

If you have people in the house who are overly dramatic and become hysterical easily, they are not helping. Basically they need to shut up and take orders for dad's sake - or get out.

You don't say what the sibling is sick with, but should dad or mom be around it in the same house?

If it were me, I'd put dad in a nursing home for a while until things at home can stabilize and get cleaned up, and get the extra people out. It's all about dad at this point. Dad might actually do better in a clean, quiet, calm atmosphere without all the emotion and stress going on. Put dad somewhere decent, then call APS on the others.

Next I'd take mom to a dementia doctor have her checked. Even if she turns out normal, you have a baseline if things change.

Tell everybody else that the house will have to be sold for mom & dad's Medicaid and they have 30 days to get out or the Sheriff will come!
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I am their Caregiver, my dad is the bedridden, I have 24 hour private duty caregivers. I do all the Nursing Duties. The Sibling that lives here is sick as well, and causes alot of problems and stress on me. My Mother believes everything he says and even in her mind thinks he does alot to help. So I am trying to get her to understand that if something happens to me...Number 1. She cant afford to replace me. (I also take care of their finances) Number 2. The State will come in and probably put them in a Home. So to know avail can I make her see the stress he causes is going to effect their home in a very negative manner. He has a another home he could go to, but she does not want him to leave.....And no the sibling wont leave on his own. He wants the Father to go to a Nursing Home.
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Sorry, not following. Is the healthy one your father? Does a sibling actually live in the house with them? Who is it that thinks there is enough money for 24/7 care? And how do you know there isn't?

I'm not so sure that "someone will report them and they could both end up in a home." And how do you propose to avoid that, if you actually do leave? What are you looking to have happen here?
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Yes there are siblings one who lives here as well and causes a lot of conflict which is part of well all of my problem. The Healthy (basically) does have beginning of dementia refuses to believe he does the things he does. So it is causing so much stress on me that I am afraid for my own health. So if I leave I the healthy one thinks there is enough income to continue 24 hour care for the bedridden, therefore, thinks that I can be replaced which they could not afford. So I am trying to make them understand that if I leave out of the stressful situation for my own good that someone will report them and they could both end up in a home. Dementia is so hard to Diagnose and treat and the control issue causes major stress and arguments and I am just getting burnout really bad..
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Do you have siblings? Can you discuss plans for your parents' future with them and see what your options are?

Is your semi-healthy parent capable of taking care of your bedridden parent? Because if so, then you perhaps should leave while that is still the case.

I am concerned that you could be accused of elder abandonment or neglect if you were to leave without a transition plan for them. That depends on the laws in your state. At least in my state (Florida), once you have voluntarily taken on the role of caregiver, it's viewed as elder neglect/abuse to walk away from it without a new plan in place. I don't think most states will just step in and take over. Generally, one needs to apply for government programs and qualify for assistance before the authorities step in. I think it's unfortunate and unfair, but I think that's how it works.
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If you cant get them in a board and care with 24/7 care, then what? Sign them over to the State? and visit them?
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