What do I say when mother asks what's wrong with her?

"The brain changes as we get older. It happens to all of us."
* short answer(s) are best
* she won't feel so alone
* affirm her frustration and fear reflecting her words back to her as appropriate.
* Express words of comfort and support, such as "I'm here, I'll help you."
* I know some MDs refer to this as a small stroke. Be clear on diagnosis and use your own judgment in 'explaining' to your mom. I believe (I MIGHT BE WRONG HERE, although I have witnessed it) that some MDs DO NOT diagnosis dementia due to costs associated with a diagnosis. The diagnosis might depend on the severity and what kind of dementia. Sometimes I feel I am going down that road (I offer care management) although it could 'just' be anxiety and aging. The brain does change as we age. I am all too aware it is happening to me at age 67.

When my aunt's dementia began, it was with more good days than bad. She would say had funny feelings in her head (on the coherent days) and would rub her forehead as though she had a headache. Sometimes she said it was like a headache but not like a headache. When I did a little research, there were some comments others felt weird in the head and it seems reasonable that there could be a weird feeling.
What you are saying when she asks is probably best. I wouldn't get into details that may be frightening (when she is understanding what you say). The word Alzheimers, for instance, may be scary during a period she understands thing. My grandmother called it - I'm having a short circuit right now. I know I should know your name, but it just won't come to me right now. Just be brief and move on to another conversation when you can.

Mom would always say "everything is upside-down" when she was really confused. I finally just told her that she had a disease that caused her confusion and that seemed to work. She obviously was in the doctor's office when the dementia was diagnosed and was in on all of our discussions but just couldn't remember. I agree that simple answers are best!

Turn the question around—-with questions for her. Remain calm.

Mom, “What is wrong with me?”
You, “is there something wrong with you?”
Mom, “I can’t think clearly.”
You, “What are you thinking about?”

What she is going through is terribly frightening and she needs constant reassurances.

End by telling her that everything will be okay, you are right by her side, she is loved.

If you tell her a thousand times that she is loved, you will be glad someday that you had the chance.

I think your answers are spot on. The only thing you might want to do would be shorten the explanation. maybe ..."your brain is not working right now but we will work through it together" maybe add "I will help you all I can and keep you safe"
Tell her you understand her frustration. You could even tell her it frustrates you at times as well.
then give her a hug and tell her you love her and reassure her that you will do everything you can for her.

ALL THE TIME. And, while it is so monotonous for us, it is, for them, a question that they need to ask to help put things in perspective for however long they remember. It is, in some way, a reassurance that THEY are alright. I've said to my Mom, over and over again, that it's not HER that's "wrong", but her brain, because the dementia is making her brain forget. Then she wants to know if everybody gets this. I tell her no, except that, if people live long enough they will. That it happens, especially when you live a long life. My Mom is 95.
Yes, Mom will backfire with you on some of the reasoning that you use to try to assuage her. And this often caught me by surprise with Mom. While she had dementia, she still, at times, can reason. It's amazing.
Don't try to lead your Mom into believing that her brain/memory/life is okay...because it's not. I offer my Mom the options to believe, if she wants to, that whatever is happening to her is not under her control and that she just needs to roll with the punches. She seems pretty good, so far, with that analogy.
I think, it gives her some confidence that she is in control.
Hang in there, because the same questions will be popping up. Be prepared to answer honestly. In my Mom's case, I believe that she just needs to be reminded that she is going to be alright and that you are doing all you can to see to that.

It's not an easy answer unfortunately. I was Mom's caregiver for 5 years. When Mom would ask that same question, my reply was always - "Your're OK Mom - it's just part of aging - don't worry everything is OK". The thought of saying Alzheimer's or Dementia - I knew deep down would kill her spirit. Some will say "Well, they need to know the truth". You and Only You know your Mom the best, and you will do what is in the best interest for your Mom and not what anyone else says or what you may read. If I could pass along anything, it would be - Have Patience-make Mom as comfortable as possible and continue to Love Her, and that's all we can do. It's a horrible disease and Hopefully someday a cure will be found, Take Care...........

The age old question is probably best answered with a fib - all's A-okay. If you tell your LO the truth, what good would it do?

My mother has occasionally asked this question; once, she asked if she is "going crazy". I told her her memory isn't what it used to be, and I completely avoid using the "D" word, as I believe it might be perceived as just a synonym for "crazy" although those of us on this forum understand otherwise.

When my Mom would ask "what's wrong with me?" I would ask her "Why do you ask?" or "What are you feeling?" or "What do You feel is different about yourself?" I would try my best to get her to verbalize what changes she felt, perceived, or thought were happening. Often these answers surprised me, and would allow me to provide additional insight to her caregivers and doctors.

I am registered nurse, and so is my mother. Even though we both were trained with the medical knowledge to understand an explanation of dementia, I know she is no longer able to comprehend this explanation...much less how it applies to her.

No matter what she asked, I always did provide her reassurance that I would be there for her, get her any help she needed, and always love her. Everyone has to navigate this pervasive challenge differently depending on their loved one's level of anxiety and level of impairment. Sometimes just holding Mom's hand and telling her "I'm not sure what's wrong, but I promise we will figure this out together" is all she needed to relax, and let go of the troubling thoughts she was having at that moment.

It seems to me that you should give your Mom an answer that you know will be as comforting and reassuring as possible. And realize she probably won't remember what you said at a later date. It not easy. I empathize with your dilemma,

I'm so sorry you and your mother are going through this. For what it's worth, your situation is a mirror image of mine and my 96 year old mother's. The dementia is pretty much as you have described it - she doesn't remember my response 5 minutes after I give it, and typically it is much like yours. Until she started saying that she doesn't trust anything she thinks or remembers anymore, she was a lot more beligerant - "my memory isn't bad, stop saying I can't recall, you weren't here, you don't know what happened", etc., etc., etc. She still gets mad over some perceived slight by an aide or resident at her AL, but typically the response to her asking "why can't I recall that you just said that" of "your memory isn't as good as it used to be, but neither is mine" usually suffices and calms her. Sending much love and lots of hugs to you - this stuff is hard.

I tell my Mom 'I guess you're having a Senior Moment - I have them, too! Between the two of us, we will sort it out.' We have a little laugh and move on. Humor, often times, works for us.