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Ok, this is about trazadone! Mom's been on 100 mg before but she is on 50mg right now! Last Friday I asked them to increase it to 100 so she sleeps at night and doesn't wander! They have not called me back and I told them I was giving her the 100 mg on Friday when I called! They lodged a complaint with the Human Services Investigator saying that I was trying to dope her to make it easier to deal with her! She was up and dressed and coherent when the lady saw her! I have yet to get an ok from the doctor..... No call back! Five business days! The lady who came by said she needed to be in a facility! I told her I've been trying to tell dhs that! She takes swings at me, but because I am here 24/7, DHS just wanted to have caregivers come in! Once the DHS case worker found out I was going to move in the near future and I would tell her in advance, all of a sudden she said that mom would be in a facility! Heaven forbid they have to do the checking in and work it'd take to keep caregivers here! But it was ok to put all that in my lap! I won't have a caregiver here because it would be a dangerous situation for the caregiver! I called the caseworker at the hospital when mom punched me! I was told to call the police when she hit me, so I did! I was told that because I left her on the floor (15 minutes max! I couldn't lift her where she was because she could have been hurt!) that I could be arrested for that! The doctor has prescribed 2 dementia medicines to her, both I stopped giving her because they made her violent! So now I have to worry about them kicking myself and my friend out and they're going to have a Medicare interviewer contact us in approx. 48 hours! Do I get a lawyer? Btw- still no call back from the doctor! I've called numerous times! Good thing I have a recorder on my phone, huh? There's an app for that!
Has anyone else gone through this kind of stuff with DHS, doctors, ect. and do I need to get a lawyer? Thank you everyone! To those here who I've told to avoid caring for badly behaving elders, now you know why! God bless you all and thank you! 😟

Thank you all for your answers! I was accused of overmedicating her for my convenience! The investigator said she needs to be in a facility! I'm going to get a place ASAP and get my husband out of here and notify the caseworker that they have one week to find her a facility! That's PLENTY OF TIME! If they had to deal with her, they'd have her into a facility within 24 hours, TOPS!! TheCovid excuse is not true! If anything, there's more room in facilities because people don't want to place their loved ones in a place because of Covid! They quarantine them for 14 days with all new arrivals! Oregon has A HIDEOUS lack of laws to protect people like me! I have a go pro with a body cam set up I am going to be wearing whenever I deal with her from now on, unless she's going potty or dressing! I will be sending a certified letter to the caseworker letting her know that she has ONE WEEK! If she asks for my new address, I am going to conveniently forget it or not have it with me!
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Reply to purplebadger
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PS regarding that fall..

"I was told that because I left her on the floor (15 minutes max! I couldn't lift her where she was because she could have been hurt!) that I could be arrested for that!"

Well I don't know your laws, but that doesn't pass my common sense test either!

If you can't lift 'em - you can't lift 'em. Fact.

My relative is left on the floor until EMS arrives every.single.time. Has been up to 1.5 hours.
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Reply to Beatty
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I am so sorry you re in this - must feel like a deep hole at the moment. But you will get out.

It's so frustrating when each professional seems to have tunnel vision - just micro focused on their own area of expertise. That's when the Geriatrician is really needed - to see the elder's WHOLE situation: physical health, mental health/stability, medications, social situation.

The common sense here screams out to me:
Care needs too big for home setting. Need review asap. If caregiver is then moving out & elder unable to manage own in-home aides, then LTC facility it is.

I don't like 'granny dumps' but I DO support calling EMS for violent or unmanageable behaviour & transport for eval.
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Reply to Beatty
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I am sorry but you need to leave when it comes to false accusations of elder abuse or she can ruin your life. I was an caregiver for an evil manipulative grandmother who tried to accuse me several times. She did evil things to me on purpose when I was her caregiver. She would lie and complain about me to the Gmail and they would always be yelling in my face especially the sister who abandon me and was never around.

Example of her actions would be she would take laxatives drinks lots of liquids before bed so she can keep me up all night using the restroom. I realized she would do that on purpose when the doctor said she can use the restroom on her own even at night then she was very cautious about her liquids and wanted to take a pee control pill and other medicine to keep it from waking her up. She wanted to take many laxatives during the day even though she had messy diarrhea but she said she wasn’t making a mess. I would come home to a big mess in the restroom and she was doing it on purpose. A nurse came to check on her like she does weekly and she kept accusing me of keeping her from using the restroom saying she is always constipated and hasn’t pooped for days and I refused to let her take laxatives and the nurse accused me of elder abuse even though she had explosives diarrhea before she got there. She wanted to stop taking this other medication because it was making her drowsy but then she tried she say I was trying to keep her from taking it even though I said I wanted her to take it until the doctor recommendation before we changed it. Good thing my mom was there for both when she asked me and was talking to the doctor and the doctor believed us, got onto my grandmother and then said she should stop taking it if it’s making her weak and my grandmother admitted she made it up. My grandmother fell on my birthday and he got her up and back in bed quickly. She wanted to complain all day on my birthday and tried to accuse me of elder abuse again saying she called us on the phone all day and my family was snappy at me because she said she kept calling us all day and they were treating me so badly on my birthday. I had it and showed them both of our phones showing that she didn’t even call us because we heard her and got up right away. She explained how she fell trying to get them to believe her but she showed 1) she made herself fall on purpose 2) she couldn’t even reach her phone to call us so there was no call. My family left still snappy and didn’t even apologized and said they didn’t want drama. We learned she hates birthdays and wants to ruin birthdays.


also the last week I was her caregiver she forced herself to fall every day that week and accuse me of pushing her. I had it on video of her doing it and I was losing my mind with my family’s judgement and no help and left and said she is their problem if they think I am not doing a good enough job because I never agreed to move in and was tricked into being the caregiver
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Reply to Arp1754
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It is likely time for your Mom to go to LTC. The next time she reacts with violence call the ambulance. Have her transported to hospital and tell them she needs full neuro-psyc workup, that her medications are not working and that you cannot care for her anymore and are too frightened of her to take her into your own care again.
I am uncertain if you are medical or financial POA for her. If the latter I hope your records are complete and you have kept meticulous records and folders of financial funds in and out of Mom's accounts. As to the visit expected, answer honestly exactly that you have done; I hope you have a record of the medications you give Mom. This will help enormously. Tell them that you need Mom to go into placement now and cannot handle her.
At that point, yes, if you are living in Mom's home you may need to move; I am uncertain about that. You should, if you are POA, see an attorney (elder law specialty) and find out about that and answers to other questions.
It is unlikely you can get in home help and support to the extent you need it the social workers at the hospital will be quite desperate to get you to take Mom home with you and will likely say they can help/will help. They can't and won't. Don't discuss with them. Just tell them she needs placement and you cannot do it as you are with her 24/7, that they will have to find her placement (with her acting out this will be difficult to find).
If Mom must become a ward of the state with fiduciary appointed by the courts for her care that may actually be for the best. Unless you are professionally trained it is almost impossible to negotiate the system for a person this ill with this MO of acting out.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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XenaJada Apr 10, 2021
U are 100% correct about the hospital discharge planners/ social workers!
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