Hey everyone. I just came upon this forum when looking up some things related to caregiving, so I will like to share my story as of now.
I am 20 years old now , at the age of 10 my mother divorced my abusive father and we left to live to my grandparents house, which they accepted us then with a lot of care and support, 10 years later we're still in their house. Both my grandparents were very active people. Sadly cancer struck my grandmother (ovary cancer to be exact) and she was also diabetic. But spite that she was still very self sufficient until her last 2 months of life which were hard for all of us, we never got a caretaker so my mom and I started to take care of her which lasted very little compared to what we have now.
As my grandfather was left alone we started taking care of him (or at least try) like my grandma used to. Hes always had amazing health and he was very strong ans active until he started showing noticeable memory problems probably caused by age, or the start of alzheimer. He also has cancer develop in the upper right side of his lung, and a reappearing aortic aneurysm which he had another one in a different location of the aorta many years ago that got treated. His memory became worse at the Point that now hes extremely delusional, to the point of no sleep, trying to escape home, because he wants to go home, talking to invisible people and so on, this happened in a matter of months and went worse as the day passed. I'm now writing to you guys to help me get through this.. its been a year of very hard caretaking. Hes lost all his body fat and muscle no matter if he eats or not yet he still has big bones and weighs a ton since hes very tall and bones are really heavy. If I'm alone at home and he falls down trying to walk on his own I cant pick him up without my mom and I have to leave him there until my mother is back home. The other person with me is my younger sister but if I can't, its worse for her. She gets very nervous and anxious regarding my grandfather since he questions her whatever things and even get violent. Getting very scared. We do have a caretaker on weekdays when my mom needs to work, and my sister and I go to college/school. personally don't like her. Shes really loud and I feel that makes my grandfather even more agitated, and doesn't give him the peace and calm I think he needs for his age and condition. Our weekends consist of us taking care of him and being completely secluded in our house taking care of him, and as I type this; I'm in the hospital with him, we took him as an emergency from an ulcer that started hemorrhaging and made his discharges filled with blood, same as puking blood. We've been in the clinic with 0 insurance since on April he came in for the same incident as last time. My mom has been paying every day a little bit. Which they are HUGE amounts anyway.
Saying this my mom and I are exhausted, emotionally and physically. I've been staying in the hospital this week and I'm beat. I don't know since when I don't sleep because of my grandfather's also sleepless nights talking very loudly and trying to leave the hospital bed or ripping off whatever strange object is attached to him. I'm very emotionally sensible right now, my mom looks depressed looking him like this. And it makes me sad to see her sad. And its a mix of things that I feel are taking a huge toll on me. I feel like a horrible person thinking it might be better if he passed away. Not because I wanna go in vacation. But because it hurts to see him like this, suffering son much. How can u cope with this?
I also live in Venezuela. Which is possibly the worst country for sick people, as there's 0 medicine available. Not even diapers for him. All of this mixed up with his conditions are deeply saddening since I love him deeply. But i hate to see him suffer at the same time.