Follow
Share

My father's wife is not only squandering all of his money, but also making very poor health decisions for him. She has told my siblings and I flat out she is going to cremate my father when he dies, but he has never wanted to be cremated and has told all 5 of his daughters (me included) he wants to be buried. He even bought a burial plot 13 years ago- and still has it ready for him! He has brain cancer and his health is severely declined. We don't know what our rights are since he is married, and we don't know what to do. He does NOT have a living will or legal documentation regarding his wishes and she has spent thousands of his dollars while his mental state declines rapidly (she is not employed, has no income apart from my father's SSI and HIS side-business). What can we do to stop this injustice?

Find Care & Housing
Yes, Dad could have expressed his wishes before his cancer had gotten worse. Could have given a letter to the Funeral director of choice saying how he wanted his funeral done. Can still do it if he is able.

SSI is a Supplemental Security Income.  Its a Welfare not Social Security. If this is what you mean, then he can not have any income to receive it. Side business...is he able to keep it going? What I am trying to say, they may not have the money to pay for a funeral. Approx 2k for cremation, 10k or more for a funeral. My Moms was 11.4k and it was a simple one. Opening of the grave was 2k I think.

If she is not willing or can't pay for the funeral, then you 5 kids can all pitch in. Let her pay for what she would pay for a cremation. Since vaults are used in the grave, you don't have to pay for an expensive coffin. A short 1 hr viewing before the service cuts out that 2 or 3 hour viewing the night before. Which u pay for. After the graveside service, you can all go out to lunch.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

sistakerri, so sorry to read that your Dad is ill.

I know this is tough to write, but this may help ease your mind regarding a burial. It is quite common to place an urn into a burial plot. Thus, maybe your Dad's wife is planning on doing that. Had anyone asked her if that is her plan?

When your Dad passes on, if financial items are in joint name with your Dad and his wife, then everything jointly held goes to his wife. If the financial items are only in his name, then Probate would be the next step. It depends on the financial net worth if Probate would be involved or not.

If Probate is used, it will be up to the Probate Judge to decide who gets what, as per State Law.

As to how your Dad's wife is acting, you need to realize she is about to lose the love of her life, thus may not be thinking clearly through this emotional time. Ask her if she needs any help with Dad. If she says no, then give your Dad's wife some space.

Your case is one that everyone can learn from, about getting a Living Will, or Medical Directive, plus Power of Attorney. Even you and your siblings should be doing that for your own families.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to freqflyer
Report

What poor health decisions? Can you give any examples?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Countrymouse
Report
sistakerri Apr 20, 2019
He is currently he is currently receiving chemo, but will be released in a week to go home until his next treatment. The problem is, she doesn't want him in his home because she doesn't want to care for him at all. The doctor said one of the other option is a nursing home, but he doesn't want to be among strangers. My sister got it on video that he does not want to go anywhere except for home. She is adamant that he does not come home. He also verbally told us he wants to be buried, she decided she would cremate him and keep him away from us when he dies, because she doesn't like my sisters and I. We just don't know what to do
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
Nothing, he married her and everything he owns will be hers since he didn't put his wishes in writing.

Start letting it go now and just be there for him. All the anger, frustration and feelings of injustice won't change anything except she, as his wife, legal next of kin, can stop you all from seeing him if you cause her grief.

Let this be a lesson to us all, get your wishes in writing and don't count on anyone doing the right thing.

I am sorry that you are losing your dad, please don't let bitterness of his choices mar this time. It is what it is and being her friend as she loses her husband might get you any family memories that you desire. Being her enemy will guarantee you don't.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter