Elderly FIL with sepsis "wants to go home" from the hospital before cleared of infection. I said I wasn't ready to be a nurse. My fiancee's children came for Christmas and one had a bad cold. We ALL caught it, even my 3 month-old. It appears that myself and FIL got the worst of it. We had to call 911 after two days. He couldn't walk, staggering to the bathroom, urinating everywhere, my fiancee crying. They took him via ambulance to the hospital two days ago. Found sepsis, a stomach infection, pneumonia, and his o2 (which he has had chronic issues with but refuses oxygen because the concentrating machine and subsequent hose that connects to him is an inconvenience) was 84.
Honestly, these last two days were HEAVEN for me. I am sure it sounds selfish, but every day for three years FIL has always, ALWAYS come first in my fiancee's eyes. Everything from fetching him water, fretting over any tiny anxiety he might have, dealing with falls and nighttime wanderings and living with someone who sundowns has eroded me, once vital, down to a shadow of what I used to be.
Regardless, he somehow convinced the doctor to check him out because he is and has ALWAYS been so dead set on being at home. I left to go to the store, came back, fiancee tells me that he called the hospital to check on his dad and that his dad is doing what he did the last time he fell and broke his rib. Wanting to go home even though he CLEARLY is not ready based on symptoms. With sepsis? WHY would they even release an 85 year-old with cancer and sepsis?!!! I can see if he were recovered, absolutely. But still symptomatic? To come home just because he says so?
I looked at my fiancee and said without thinking, "I'm not ready to be a nurse".
He launched into a tirade the likes I have never seen. He was so enraged that this was my comment, though I had so much more to say (i.e. - what if the sepsis isn't gone? How will we possibly know? Now he is incontinent. Will I be expected to change his pants and clean his accidents? How do I make sure he is okay?) Keep in mind that I have two little babies. I do not feel it appropriate to see my FIL's private parts, and frankly do not see myself cleansing him and changing his pants. It feels wrong to me and unfair to presume I would naturally take over that role. That is no longer a companion. That is a nurse.
I guess that is where my head was at when I said it. My fiancee just screamed and raged at me and how selfish and horrible I am and then essentially wrote me off and left to go get him and now I am on silent treatment.
How in the world do I deal with this? What happened to my precious two days? Was what I said truly worthy of the intensity of the verbal abuse I received as a result? I am reeling. And now, once again, hating my life.