A little background- my mother has been living next to me in my condo building since 2018. Diagnosed with dementia in early 2019. She has always been difficult, manipulative and selfish and wasn't a good mother. This has been hell and her dementia has progressed. She can still do ADL's and puts up a charade of independence, but her executive functioning continues to get worse. She can not live "independently" in her condo without me being next door. I could go on and I have a pretty extensive post history here, but basically I have been stuck. I had to put up a huge fight for her to accept having a companion aid for 4 hours a week (which she reduced to every 2 weeks) so in her mind assisted living is out of the question.
Awhile back I went to an elder care attorney to find out if I could force my mother with dementia into assisted living with a DPoA.... the answer is NO. I'm in Florida- a "wait for a crisis" state.
My life changed again with the news that my brother has terminal cancer. He will be lucky to get a couple years and that will be with harsh treatment. That is when the thought started that I wanted to move closer to him, I wanted to move to my adult son's state which is driving distance to my brother's state. 3.5 hour drive.
Now I have gotten more news. For the first time I am going to be a grandmother. I am over the moon with this news, and needless to say it really ramped up my desire to move to his state.
I told my mother the news of the baby, but my siblings do not know as my son wanted to wait until after the first doctor appointment which is tomorrow. Her reaction was ..... meh.
My DH and I have decided we are going to move to my son's state, which is Maryland. I plan to talk to my mother this weekend and let her know she will have to move, because we are moving. She can decide where she wants to be but her only options will be assisted living no matter which adult child she decides to live close to- staying here will not be an option. If she tries to play that card I will take her to court and force the sale which I can do as a co-owner.
My mom will not care that I want/need to be closer to my brother and my son. She will be so angry it will be horrible.
But I'm getting out of something I never should have set up to begin with, and this time around I will be MUCH less prone to her manipulation.
Any tips, because the truth is I dread this talk so much, but it has to happen.