Mom is 90yrs old is paraplegic, mid-late stage dementia, I am the youngest of three daughters and in the last 10yrs mom has been subjected to financial abuse, neglect, intimidation, from my sister and more recently suffer a broken hip and large lump/bruise on her forehead while in the care of a nursing home also many other issues with her care including over medicating. The state stepped in and appointed a legal guardian. I have tried to get something done about the abuse my sister did but got no where, the guardian said she would handle it but didn't . And after involving every agency I could still no explanation or answers regarding injuries . I need help getting resolution for me and mom! I gave the guardian all the documents to show that over 500 thousand dollars were taken and all of mom's personal property is gone along with many other legal and personal papers for her to copy and return and now she refuses to return my papers and says she doesn't have them. Regarding the care and injuries to my mom she expects me to accept that they occurred from an "unknown" reason or brittle bone disease but refuses to show or even get a bone density test or a surgeons report and from the information I gathered it suggest that an accident happened and no one will even look into it. I have drained all of my financial means, my emotional means and am completely out of options of what to do. Can anyone please help?

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Thank you all for your responses I will definitely heed your advice. I guess I need to clarify a few details. Mom has been paraplegic since mid 70's , the time line of the missing money is only over a 3-4 yrs. for the lump of it and for the most part mom's care cost are not included in the amount taken. And yes there was all kinds of extravagant purchases made like $30k pick-up, $25k on one Christmas spending spree, expensive cell phones for her and her adult children, expensive rent, utilities, restaurants, fancy cloths, for not just herself but for whole family. My sister, her two adult children and wife and grand kids all lived high on the hog on mom's dime. None of the even tried to find work and their needs and wants came before mom. They just didn't care and saw no end to the money tree. A big issue I have is that the bank let it happen mom had banked with them for a very long time and her name was not on the accounts nor did the bank have an order of incompetency of any kind until I tried to stop the madness and as a co-signer on the account they denied me access until I got the doctors letter of incompetency.
There is so way too much information that has happened to detail it all out here.
Someone mentioned a law student helping how would I find one.
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Obviously we don't have all the details but at first glance I think Pamstegma is right on. The amount and personal property that's been used up the 500k or so is very little to cover a ten year period. You easily could have gone through a million plus or gone totally bankrupt and on Medicaid. Then the siblings might have been subjected to all paying more under possible filial responsibility laws later. That easily is why elders use up their cash, sell their homes etc. 500k is a bargain to cover 10yrs. It should have covered less than 4. I suspect you were able to do it so efficiently because you had relatives providing your Mom with basically free care. You mentioned your sister.

You might want to reassess things. You may need to be thanking some people in your family rather than blaming them. A secondary damage from dementia and this stuff is the destruction of the relationship among siblings. Don't let that happen.

I applaud that you're wanting to make sure someone is not physically harming your Mom of course. But you need to also understand an elder can bruise if you just lift up their arms or legs to help them clean.

Look into it but keep an open mind. Especially with regard to your sister. I suspect your sister gave up a big part of her life and didn't even get compensated for it. She probably should have gotten $25/hr even for sleep she lost in middle of night.

Reassess things is my advice.
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$500,000 would only be enough for about four years in a nursing home. How long has your mother been in long term care?
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Dear kdreamerkat,

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. I know you are trying your best to advocate for your mom. It is exhausting and emotionally draining when you trying to get to the bottom of things. And you are facing brick walls at every turn.

Please try to take a step back. It might be there will be no good answers even with the guardian in place to investigate. Maybe do as Sunflo has suggested and contact a lawyer. Or talk with another social worker about getting another guardian in place or investigate other options.

I know you put a premium on doing the right thing for your mother. But sometimes no matter how much we try, we have to come to a point where we might have to let it go. And say I'm going to do my best going forward with what I have and do know.
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There is one school of thought that bones fail and break in the elderly and that causes the fall which could probably explain the bump on the head.
Is it possible that this could be the explanation and no lapse of care occurred? There is probably no way of finding out at this point so for your peace of mind concentrate on the future and proper care for your mother.

CM has explained where the money may have gone unless you can point to things your sister acquired that she could not possibly afford. I agree it is a huge sum of money and won't be available for anyone to inherit.

If the time comes for Mom to need Medicaid sister will have to explain to the State exactly where the money went which may be a big problem if proper records were not kept.
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Could we just go back a step and get the timeline sorted out? Correct the bits I've got wrong:

Aged 80, your mother started living with your older sister.
The paraplegia developed how/when?
The dementia was diagnosed when?
Were there any other medical or health reasons for your mother's needing care?

Over those ten years, your sister has depleted your mother's funds by $500K, and dispersed her personal property.

Well, that comes to $50,000 a year, which is plenty, but it wouldn't cover good facility fees; and it does help to get the amount in perspective. Also, your mother is paraplegic and demented. There are her living expenses, but there are also substantial care expenses even with your sister as primary caregiver. Have you allowed for factors like this?

What caused the move to the NH?

I know this question is going to sound antagonistic; but I promise you I don't mean it to be. I'm literally just asking. Have you ever had much close contact with a person with dementia?

So much seems to have gone wrong that I don't for a second blame you for feeling that somebody must have f***ed up big time somewhere, on some part of your mother's care at the very least.

But the thing is... it ain't necessarily so. What has happened to your mother over this extended period of time is a catalogue of troubles; and you must be pretty horrified at it all. But once you start taking it item by item, as I expect the guardian has, it may well be that nobody has actually done anything very wrong.

Point by point; the fall, the bruise, the money even, the unsatisfactory attitude to paperwork - every one of these things could have a perfectly acceptable explanation. You're still owed an explanation, of course. But right now what everyone is concentrating on is your mother's current welfare, not past events - that's why you're not getting more co-operation.

You say you need resolution for yourself and your mother. Can you picture what that means, exactly? What would you like to happen next?
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I suggest you contact a legal elder law attorney. Some will listen to your story over the phone or answer an email for free. They will tell you if it's worth pursuing.

Following that, you will absolutely have to have the documents to support your claims.

I hope you only gave The guardian copies or at least kept copies for yourself.

Without documentation, it will be an expensive legal pursuit to research and gather info.

Your second option may be to consider asking for a referral to maybe law students who might be able to help you by using your story as a case study.
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