I moved in with my mother over a year ago after she had several mini strokes. ( All of which occurred in early morning hours). She recovered well and is still very active...she actually takes care of an elderly couple in their 90's.
I love mom dearly. In many ways she is my best friend. But I find she is increasingly difficult to live with. She is very stubborn and will work herself to death in the yard if I don't hurry and do it all first. I still work myself and I try to keep everything done, but sometimes I just can't cook, clean, mow, work and do it all on her time schedule.
That really isn't even the real problem. I closed up my home to move in with her. I have two small dogs who she will not allow in her home and now they live in her guest house. Mom would really like for me to sell my home and leave her home to me. I don't want her house. It is not my style, the yard is too big and when I speak to her about allowing the dogs to move in she is very adamant about there will never be dogs in her home.
I have spoken to her about how this makes me feel like I am displaced. I try to spend a night or two with the dogs in the guest house ( she used to resent this, now she doesn't say anything). I also try to spend one night with my boyfriend. The rest of the time I am with mom and I usually even sleep with her. She says she doesn't need me and if I'm not happy with the way things are to move back to my house, but she doesn't say that with sincerity. If I moved back to my house she would be very pissed and would hold a deep grudge.
I feel like I am trapped and cannot have a life unless it meets her approval. Mom and I have always had a great relationship, but the older she gets I feel she is getting more demanding and more selfish. I pray about this. I hold my tongue. I feel I have put her needs above my own, but I don't think it is fair that she wants me here but only on her terms.
I am the only one of 7 children that have stepped up to help with her care. This week I needed a break so I went to my house with my dogs for three days. It does help, but I end up resenting having to go back. Please, I need suggestions. My mother's health is pretty good...how can I make her understand that it isn't fair for her to want me there and expect my pets to live alone for the next however many years it may be?