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I started being my Aunt's caregiver about 3 months ago.At the beginning of this caregiving.I talked with my Aunt about what she wants.She tells me she doesn't want to go to a nurcing home.She wants to live in her own home alone till she dies.I told her that I will try my best to avoid her from going to a nurcing home.
I go to her home to check on her every other day to make sure she has what she needs as a caregiver would.My wife and I talked to her about us moving in with her as live in caregivers.The Aunt refuses. She wants to live alone.She's affraid to leave her house ,she feels she needs to guard her home at all times.She's 88 yrs old and forgetting many simple things.My Aunt is 88 yrs old and compatent to do what she desires to do until told by a doctor other wise."She is not incompatent".
She's forgets,everyday I go see her she needs to be reminded.I call it rewinding a tape everyday.Seems the only thing she has no problems doing is paying her bills.She's been my Aunt for over 40 yrs.Many times she forgets my name and calls me by another.At times I just ignore the wrong name she calls me by and go with it.She forgets what day it is,She forgets what she did yesterday.She moves things/items around the house and misplaces them accusing us of taking or moving things.I try to leave her notes to help her remember but,she get's upset saying her memory is just fine.She's denys everything saying there's nothing wrong with her memory.Seems to me she lies to her doctor and many others as fooling them so she's not told incompatent.She's a very sneeky lady.Not only sneeky.She's a very hateful person.Mood swings every 10 minutes each day.She blaims me when she misplaces things.She never leaves things in one spot.She gets bored and starts moving things around the house then forgets where she placed them.
I feel she is lazy to go to the bathroom.Lazy maybe the wrong word to explain but,that's what I feel.She has large coffee cans near her bed,where she seats around the house and urein's in them.Why she don't have a bed pan is beyond me.You would think her visiting nurce would see this stuff she's doing.But,it's like if her visiting nurce is blind.She has problems bathing on her own.She takes bird baths so to speak.Her bedroom and where she seats smells like urein.We change her sheets on her bed on every visit.And wash her cloth for her.
I do the same as any caregiver would do and then some if not more.The wife and I don't get paid for any of our services we do for the Aunt.Seems it isn't fare or right for us to have to take from our own pockets to do this job.From our time,gas money and ect.This isn't our Mother or father were taking care of.This is a Aunt.The Aunt choice in her life to not have children of her own.This is the result of that idea of not having children.There is no other family or friend willing to help her.She was abused by her past caregiver.The past caregiver went to jail for battery towards the aunt.Every family or friend of my Aunt is affraid to help her.Affraid to go to jail if they try to help her.If my wife and I decide to stop helping her she has knowone to help her.Theres no excuse for the past caregiver abusing my Aunt.That's wrong in every way.The past caregiver lived with the aunt 24/7 and was a heavy drinker.No excuse for abusing her.But,may sound harsh to say but,my Aunt is a very hateful person.And says hateful things.My Aunt treats me like crap basically.Everything I do for her she don't give me credit.She only thinks of her self and only her.She caresless about the time I take out to help her.Most throw blaim on the dementia.Sometimes I wonder if that's just a show to get what she wants.She uses her WILL to obtain help.If you help me I'll put you in my Will.As all elderly people do to obtain help or other.
Anyway,
The past two days when I've called her to check on her she tells me she fell down..Two days in a row?Is it her dementia as forgetting what happened yesterday?Or did she really fall twice?Who knows.Twice in the same spot she said 2 days in a row?I write down on paper evertime she falls so it's noted.She don't want us moving in.She don't want to leave her house to stay with us.I can't force her to do a thing.She's compatent.It's like a rock in a hard place for me.She don't want anyone living with her nor willing to go live with someone else.She feels she needs to gaurd her home at all times.I am her DPOA.But,yet she's compatent.I feel my Aunt is incompatent to do things on her own.I feel her doctor isn't a very good doctor because,he doesn't see this.I feel the doctor knows she's incompatent but,avoiding to tell her.Like if the doctor is waiting for me to be the bad guy to make her incompatent as say the word.My Aunt would disown me if she knew I was the one that made her incompatent.What do I do?

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I am DPOA for my mother and seriously thinking of relinguishing from the responsibility. She has already told me what she wants and doesn't want when the DPOA becomes in effect. Her wants and wishes are not realistic. Do yourself a favor and give up the DPOA. Then you can decide what you want to do about your aunt without a legal piece paper getting in the way of your decisions.
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Dog, relinquish the POA! You are obviously very stressed over all of this and it sounds as if auntie needs to be in a facility. You have asked this same question in many ways on different threads. You should call APS for them do do an evaluation of her, also the local area agency on aging, in with the council of governments. There is also the option of warding her to the state as her POA, and it sounds as if that is your only option. I would wash my hands of this!
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I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across as criticizing you, I know you're doing your best in a very difficult situation. If it were me, I'd try two things. First (and maybe you've already done this), write a letter to her doctor explaining what you've said on here about what she's doing (keeping urine filled cans around her, mood swings, losing things, etc). Give that to her doctor. If that doesn't do anything, then call in Adult Protective Services and have them do a wellness check. They may take action. She doesn't sound competent to me...but I'm not a doctor.

Again, I'm sorry if I came across as critical. I'd try those two things and if that doesn't shake anything lose, I'd just ask to be removed as DPOA, since your aunt won't listen to you or evidently anyone else. I wish some others would post answers, as they may have better ideas than I do. Good luck and please let us know what happens.
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I understand what your saying blannie.
But,from what I'm told I can't do a thing! "She's Legally Compatent".
The only reasons I took this job as her caregiver and POA is because,
(1)Knowone else in the family is willing to step up to this plate to care for this 88 yr old lady.I decided to help her.
(2)Her attorney told me that he felt she will need a POA.So,I agreed and here I am today with all these problems without any help or advice.

You say put her in a nurcing home or a facility that can keep her safe.
Well,How do you suppose I do that when she's compatent and refuses?
She refuses everything.She refuses to spend any of her money to help her self.Refuses to buy a simple bed pan as one example.I'm done spending my money on her.I spent enough of my own money.She has the money but,refuses.
How can I help someone that is not willing to help them self?
The only answer I can think of is finding her incompatent by her doctor.Until that happens I'm stuck.
This Durable POA to me seems worthless.I was told I can't get paid for my services as her caregiver because,I'm her DPOA.
I'm her Duable POA but,yet I can't use her funds without her permission.I can't simple go to a store and use her bank card to buy a bed pan without her permission.She refuses! I'm stuck.
I tried calling her attorney about what I'm able or have rights to do?Attorney doesn't return my phone calls.Seems to busy for me.
I wanted to ask her attorney that created this DPOA I have,Can Hire using her funds a Health & Financal planner to help me be her POA or do my job best?
I also,wanted to ask her attorney if I can spend her money without her permission to get her a bed pan?
Yet to hear a answer?
Your telling me that I can't keep her living at home.With money to help me do so I can.But,with her refusing to spend a dime to help her self I can't help her.
You can't make someone do a thing if their compatent.I took her to her doctor the other day.The doctor told her no more nite driving.
The doctor knows her conditions.I think her doctor doesn't want to say the word incompatent to her.He don't want to be the feller to take away her rights.
Leaving it up to me to be the bad guy to say the word I feel.Maybe the doctor's taking her for a ride money wise and is affraid to lose or for me to find out what is really going on I don't know.
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Your aunt needs to be in a facility that can keep her safe. She's moving far into her dementia and you don't have the skills to keep her safe in her own home. Move her now before she kills herself and you're left with the guilt.

You made a promise you can't keep (to keep her out of a nursing home). She clearly can't take care of herself on her own and you aren't in a position to care for her 24 hours a day. Educate yourself by reading some of the threads and comments on here about Alzheimers. Also go to Youtube and search for Teepa Snow. She does videos about Alzheimers.

Your aunt isn't being lazy, she has Alzheimers and her brain is broken. She needs help because she's not in her right mind and doesn't have the mental capacity to make good judgments about her care. So please get her the help that she desperately needs, whether she understands she needs it or not.
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