Follow
Share

My husband and I, also my adult son with mental illness moved in with parents as 24/7 caregivers 3 years ago. I come from a large family of 6 siblings. 1 is estranged, 3 work full time jobs in the day, 2 not working and I have a home base business. When I lived in my own home 3 yrs prior, I was working full time and was always there for my parents needs, taking them to their dr.'s appt., errands etc... My mom had kidney failure due to diabetes where she had to go on dialysis 3 days a week for 3hrs. Moms health started to spiral downwards, so I decided to resign from work to take care of mom. I lived 15 miles away, where I was commuting 2 times a day. 3 of my siblings live on the same property with mom and dad. The other 3 live only 2 miles away! My husband and I moved in with mom and dad to be closer and much easier to assist them. Mom had a kidney transplant where she needed 24/7 care. Dad's Parkinson's Disease had progressed. My husband and I had become overwhelmed with taking care of both parents. I asked my siblings for help, 2 said they are too involved with their church, 1 said she has to home school her 12 yr. old son, 2 work full time jobs in the day and 1 had a fall out with parents where she does not come around! This went on for 3 yrs. then I finally reached my first caregiver burnout! I called an emergency family meeting where we could discuss a better situation for everyone to help take care of our parents! We started a schedule for everyone to follow which was good for a month then things started to slowly go back to how it was M.I.A. My husband and I are so over all the excuses and selfishness. This has been a strain on my marriage, my health, financially, emotionally, mentally and spiritually challenged. It also deprived me of my 3 grandchildren! I'm doing all I can to get some kind of assistance for a home care nurse for night time. The day will be worked out between my siblings and I. This is not only my responsibility... this is all of our parents ALL 7 of us! Enough is enough, its time for me to move out before I get another burnout. I wont go thru another health crisis again! God is my strength and my rock for without him I am nothing. He is what keeps me sane! Thank you so much for listening... I really needed to vent after all these years holding it in. I am grateful and blessed to have found Aging Care.com God Bless our Caregivers.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
askadri808, I agree with Sunnygirl above... when it comes to siblings, not everyone is able to be a good caregiver. It's not really selfishness, the person just knows he/she isn't cut out to be a caregiver. https://www.agingcare.com/articles/not-everyone-cut-out-to-be-a-caregiver-162192.htm

Plus so many times in a large family, the majority of the siblings feel it is time for a parent to have a higher level of care, yet one is determined to do it all in their own home or the parent's home.

Budget wise, it might be time for your parents to sell their house [I know it won't be easy] and use the equity for Assisted Living or a Nursing Home.

Around the clock caregiving can ruin your health, even being part-time can cause havoc on one's body. I had crashed and burned numerous times and I wasn't even hands-on. It was that my parents were too stubborn to see the forest for the trees.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It's great that you have such devotion to your parents. Before you move out, can you arrange to get them professional help to come in to the home to help? Do they have the funds to pay for that or does your dad need skilled nursing care at this point? I'd try to help them sort that out and get it in place or them placed before you move out.

IMO, it's really not feasible to care for people with significant medical needs in the home, when you live elsewhere and also work a full time job. Caretaking is not something that everyone can do, especially for two people with serious medical conditions.

Is your mom doing better now? I hope her transplant is successful and she's improving.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.