I just need some help. - AgingCare.com

I just need some help.

Follow
Share

I'm using this forum as a way to spell out my situation and (hopefully) ease some stress. The long and short of it is that my grandmother is dying. She has lived a sheltered life in the same house for 60+ years. She has always had someone around to take care of things for her, even in her younger years. She never had a driver's license or even any state ID. Up until October of last year her eldest son was living with her. Unfortunately, he passed away after a year-long fight with cancer. My mother at I were at that house every day, making sure that they both had a hot meal, groceries, yard work done, housework, you name it. With the her son passing much the same way as her husband did back in '99, my grandmother has not dealt well with her son's death. She never grieved for her husband and now finds herself unable to grieve for her son, complaining that she can't sleep because her mind keeps replaying the past year. My mother and I are still going to her house every day. Her well ran dry in August and we've been lugging water out, as well as filling her pellet stove, making sure she eats something, you name it. I had to go out there today by myself. She sat at the kitchen table holding her head, complaining about how hard the past year has been on her and how no-one else in the family can get sick or she's done. (I'm scheduled to have part of my thyroid removed April 11th and don't dare tell her). She suffers from untreated COPD, a bad knee, cataracts, and undiagnosed GI issues. She refuses to see a doctor for any reason. Today she told me she's starting seeing shadow people. The bad part of that is even if it is her cataracts, she believes in her heart that it is the ghosts of her friends and family who have passed away coming to check on her. She believes this because when her husband passed away there were multiple sightings of his deceased best friend in their house (where he died) only days before his passing. She won't let anyone she doesn't know it the house. She won't leave the house. I'm waiting for the day I go out there and find her gone. I'm tired. There are family members who live 15-20 mins away who want nothing to do with me (which is fine, whatever), but also refuse to help her unless she calls, begs, and offers them money. She asked me to go out again today to do a few things. Mom works nights, so I have to go by myself. I'm tired and I wish I could take someone with me. My husband does his best to help, but he's gone during the week for work. There's no-one else I can ask that she won't take offense to. I don't know how much more of this I can deal with. Thank you for listening.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
3

Answers

Show:
Knowing that others feel your frustration and completely understand where you are coming from really makes a difference! There are no easy answers for this one. Your grandmother is very fortunate to have you! Cyber hugs from me too!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

It's always tempting to try to come up with an answer. In a lot of situations there are no good answers, though. There will be a crisis one day, but all you can do is wait until that day. What you're describing is common on here. Some people say to just stop helping or put her in a nursing facility, but that isn't always something we can do. All we can do is wait. I'm glad you found a good place to write about it. It makes being burned out a little more bearable.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

It sounds like you just want to vent. This is a good place to do that. People are very rarely judgmental, and many have been in your place.

I offer cyber hugs for this stressful period in your life.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions