Follow
Share

My sibling is DPOA (only because they are oldest & it's "traditional"). Over past 10 years they have done various things to align my mom's estate to their preferred way of doing things (including eliminating me from co-POA), taking over her investment accounts, trying to force her to move to an impossibly expensive Assisted Living, etc. My mom is still very much of sound mind and can make her own decisions, so she still remains her own "Power" as far as the DPOA.
I am the one who does everything-- drive her everywhere, take her shopping, clean, make her doctor appts, manage medications, decipher all her paperwork, advise her on things big & small. The DPOA sibling lives on the other side of the country, vists every few years, and only confers on the phone once in awhile with the investment guy, does her taxes, and will be the Executor.
About 15 yrs ago mom set up a CD account with "TOD" to me, to compensate me for all the extra things I do for her. She always told me to keep this our little secret and don't tell my siblings about it.
Well somehow, the DPOA got information about this account (worth about $20K) and is demanding it be included in the investment accounts.
Now, my mom has "changed her mind" about the CD account, that all her accounts have to be in one place, to make things easier for the DPOA and settling the estate.
I do know that it is her money, and she can do with it what she wants.....but, she did also indicate she wanted to compensate me for all the many years and thousands of hours of help I've given (for free).
When I expressed concerns about this major change, she simply said "you will get a check after the estate is settled." But how would I know if I am still getting the compensation that I believe is due to me?
My spouse says this is all wrong, and I believe it would be much easier to just keep the CD account as "TOD".
What possible reason could there be to include it in the investment account?
I've researched it and there appears to be no reason for this change, OTHER THAN, the sibling who wants to rule the roost is wanting to divvy it up between the siblings (which is not what my mom told me originally).

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
And to those of the mindset that we should all happily and willingly sacrifice all for our parents for free and lose jobs and beggar ourselves in the long run because we're supposed to be good like that...well, personally, I'm not that good.

And we just deposited a whole lot more than 14k and didn't fill out anything so I don't know what's up with that. .

And if you were my mom, Pstegman, and threatened to somehow take away funds we agreed you'd give me, I'd tell I WAS going away and then YOU would be crying in your room. I would see what this mother is doing as backing out of a verbal agreement between the two of us and to me, that's just not cool. That's almost a betrayal.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I would tell this sibling that either he backs the hell off or you'll revoke all your services, will dump all of mom's requirements for care into HIS lap and be done with it. Get your mom to put the amount due you for compensation into writing with a lawyer so that when the time comes you'll have it, sibling or no sibling.

And really, Pstegman, if WE don't watch our own a**es as far as some kind of compensation goes, who will? Certainly not these interfering siblings! And frankly, when I give years of my life, time, work and effort into someone else, bet that I'M going to be as concerned with MY well being and happiness and I am with the person I'm caring for and as far as I'm concerned these parents better be REAL happy compensating someone, especially a child, that does all the work for them and guaranteeing that they stay HOME where they want to be, nice and comfortable and safe.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

pstegman, "You're all about the money here" is a narrow view of the Big Picture.

I am the 24/7/365, and was promised Real Compensation from my parent.

If the POA is threatening to remove my Real Compensation, then I do have a right to seek some type of justice.

I thought this forum was for honest, balanced discussion of issues, and I don't really find your comment helpful.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You're all about the money here, not a peep about what makes Mom happy. We just moved mom to AL and she is having a ball, making friends. So what is more important, the money or making mom happy? Your brother is doing what she wants and he has given both of you good advice. Do not move money now, if she needs Medicaid within five years, you will have to pay it all back. And the attorney forgot to tell you that under Homeland Security, if you show up to deposit $14K the bank has you fill out forms to be sure you aren't money laundering. If you were my daughter and started bugging me to change my Will, I would be very upset, because it would tell me you are all about the money. If you demanded $14K immediately I would tell you to go away and then go cry in my room.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

The only update I have on this is our Tax person said, she could transfer up to $14,000 of the money to my name, right now, and it would be tax-free. A friend who is an attorney, speaking off the record, suggested it would be better if I could have the will re-written to reflect the exact percentage (of any remaining value of estate) that I would receive, if there was anything left.
I will talk with my mom and see if she would agree to that.
It really feels like a betrayal otherwise.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

To answer your question NO POA can not require your Mom to cash in CD.

Obviously Mom respects this siblings advice..

I would discuss with Mom about your previous conversation regarding her leaving you this money.

Have her consult an elder Law Atty who could advice her about setting up a care agreement where you can get paid now for all you do for her...
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.