Should I be biting my tongue about this?

Dear EEMFLA,
I'm sorry to hear about what you are experiencing. I'm not sure about your Mother's health. My Mom is acting this way, and we would often have arguments as she was very accusatory towards me. Say awful things to me and because of it I didn't trust her to be alone with my 3 year old daughter. Since then we have been able to get her to a neurologist that diagnosed her with dementia. Is has helped to know and understand what is going on with her and what she says most of the time rolls off me and I do what I need to do, but I don't live with her. I don't engage any of her comments at any time, seems to just add fuel to the fire.

A friend of mine that I was actually talking to today, said my Mother knows I will never leave her and will do what I can do to help her no matter what. Because of her diagnoses, she also said that she doesn't understand what she is saying and how it is coming out. Its different then what she wants to say in her mind.

If you have siblings, they should be responsible for her as much as you are. If there are 6 of you break up the calendar, 2 months each for each one to take care of her. Even if they live out of town, can your Mother go there and stay with them for 2 months? If not, will they help you, financially, in providing more care to your Mother so you have more time to your self? You need the break, time to your self and I know it is not easy.

I hope this provides you some help, wish I could be more helpful to you.

Good luck!

I don't care who it is that is acting out and abusive - even God and the devil. It does NOT matter in the least. You MUST STOP THEM AND PUT THEM IN THEIR PLACE AT ONCE AND NOT TOLERATE THIS. Why can't people see that? Why do they hold it all in and be harmed and their lives destroyed and it will happen. DO NOT ACCEPT INTOLERABLE BEHAVIOR FROM ANYONE EVER, AND I DON'T CARE WHY OR HOW - DON'T DO IT. When I hear about some of the horrible situations people find themselves in because they are a "caretaker" or are otherwise (so they think) responsible for someone, that does not mean they should put up with crap. I have been through so much in my life from early childhood and am a real survivor of so much. It took me half of my life to wake up to the above facts and finally fight back. It took guts and time but over a period of time, I was happier, more content and a better more respected person. No one messes with me - I don't deserve it. You must demand and receive respect and if you are not getting it, REMOVE THE SOURCE OF THE PROBLEM. Oh, my heart goes out to all who are suffering because of these people. I am so sorry but you must be strong and remove them or otherwise sever the ties. They are not worth it any longer. The past is gone if it was different. Think of N O W.

I feel so sorry for you and at the same time I am so relieved to read that someone else's mother is just as awful as mine. I want to run away forever from her. She has turned all my siblings against each other. No one speaks to me in the family. She calls me only when there is a problem. Only my husband knows how truly horrible she can be to me. She has ruined or tried to ruin every good day in my life, every birthday and Christmas, my graduation and my Wedding Day. But I am the only child that has sorted out her finances and got her carers and helped her live in comfort. I can't do anymore. I get no thanks. Just snide remarks. But I know that deep in my heart when she dies, she is 89 years old I will have no regret that I could have been a better daughter. I couldn't. Neither could you. I am the daughter of a Narcissist mother and I survived. God bless you with your continuing struggle and know that you are not alone.