Follow
Share

My son calls me every foul name in the book because I left my mothers home after taking care of her for 10 years. I gave him an ultimatum that he and his girlfriend and child move out or I would move out. I thought since I got caregiver burnout, I needed to move out but for his sake I gave him a chance to make a move. After moving, I now feel extreme guilt that he is there having to take care of her. I am POA and give him most of her money in order to care for her, horrible.. He has free rent and pays no house bills. It hurts so bad and I spend every weekend in bed crying and in pain from multiple health issues. I still take care of her every morning. The girlfriend does absolutely NOTHING to help out. She will not cook and leaves the house looking like a pig sty. I hate even going over there. My son abuses me verbally and emotionally making me feel like a complete loser and horrible daughter and worthless. I have suggested placing my mother in a facility but then he starts his rant about how cruel i am. Really, moving out took care of not listening to his abuse but i feel so guilty that i still cant have any kind of life. It's horrible. I was always there for him throughout his childhood and adult years.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Assuming this is a legitimate post I've got to say that as POA YOU have all the power. It is a painful truth that you have raised an ungrateful son who seems to expect women in his life to kowtow to him rather than stand on his own feet. You return out of a sense of guilt, is that partially because you know he is an unfit caregiver? He is a grown man who made his own choice to remain rather than help you get her appropriate care, no guilt lies on you. Move ahead with finding your mother a nursing home and selling the house, your son can't treat you any worse than his is already, and if he cuts off all contact for a period of time it may be a blessing for you both.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

We have had a relative log in with someone else's account in the past, if I remember correctly the first post was from the mother, then the son questioning about finding food his grandmother would eat, and now the mother again, whoever the OP is they should change their password so that someone else can't log on using their account. And it would be nice to get some kind of explanation so we know for certain that we aren't being trolled.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Blannie, excellent catch on the inconsistencies. I followed up and found this post:https://www.agingcare.com/questions/what-to-do-if-mother-wont-eat-meals-i-prepare-431558.htm.

Profile: " "I am caring for my mother, living at home and the primary ailment is alzheimer's / dementia"

Sheba66's post on that thread: "I am 32 years old, male, and my wife
and six year old daughter and I live with my grandmother in her home. ....."

"I could not bring myself to agree to my mom's terms, so she moved to an apartment. "

This thread: Sheba66's profile, same as in the other thread. But now you have a son instead of a daughter.

Hmmmmmmm - we have a mystery here. Sheba, how can you clarify these inconsistences? Do you have a daughter as in first post or son as in this post? Are you, or were you, living with your mother but left b/c of your son, or are you living with your grandmother?

Inquiring minds want to know.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I'd get a consult with an attorney about your duties and responsibilities as her POA. I'd ask for information and advice on how to proceed if you think you are not able to.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'm confused about who you are. You wrote a previous post as a 32-year old man using this same name of Sheba66. People asked you about it, but you never came back to answer. Are you the mother or the son?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Sheba,
Good for you for making a move.
Free rent?
Girlfriend does nothing?
Child in the home?
Pig Sty?
Son is abusive-
to you,
to girlfriend?, to child,? or in front of child?

Don't go there for 3 days, call child protective services and Adult protective services.

If your son is doing drugs, tell the authorities.

You did good lady, now follow through.

Blow this criminal situation out of the water.

Oh, and follow Garden Artist's suggestion to get psychiatric care....you have been abused, brain washed, and probably gaslighted by your son.

Stop giving him any money at all...pay the bills for your mother yourself, bring groceries (or have them delivered.)  Are you and mother supporting him?
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I think you could benefit from psychological or psychiatric care to address the underlying reasons for his verbal abuse and for your tolerance of it, apparently for some time.

This is not criticism, but it's a clear indication that professional help is needed. And if it's been going on for some time, as it seems to have been, you might not even be aware of the complex dynamics of his abuse, your guilt and apparent self recrimination.

I emphasize that I am not criticizing you, but I think blunt words are appropriate to address the situation so you can get help.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.