Have you ever secretly wished your loved one would pass and HATING yourself for it? - AgingCare.com

Have you ever secretly wished your loved one would pass and HATING yourself for it?


So depressed and angry. Been caregiving all ALONE for 3 yrs now. Has to quit a good job. I have not has even 24 hrs off since this started. I love my mom dearly and I miss who my mom uses to be sooooo much!! I'm just so tired and worn out. I'm totally exhausted!!

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I've been doing it 9 years now, but mom's health declined significantly few years back. We all think things sometimes we don't mean. It's just out of exaustion, and the many services made to take excellent care of our parents. You didn't mention your mom's health issues?? I totally agree with missing the person your mom use to be. We go through a grieving process, so to speak. The mom we had is no longer here, but we have to love the person who still is with us. My mom can make me laugh like nobody else, and I love her dearly. However, just like you it's difficult to let good money go, and wave bye-bye to a regular social life. Currently, I'm praying I can take a 2 day get away in July but everything does revolve around mom's current health status. Caregiving isn't for the faint hearted at all but sounds like your doing a great job and should definitely give yourself a pat on the back. This site is great place to vent and ask advice. Or just relate to others in your shoes. Best wishes!
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We know what you're going through. I don't think we actually want them to die, we just want all of the pain they and we are going through to end. Unfortunately, the only thing that can bring relief is often death. It makes me feel better when I'm having a dark thought to realize what I am wanting is to be free to enjoy life again. I'm not actually wishing harm on a parent.

I wonder if these thoughts help us to get ready for our parents' passing. The anger is a grief we're going through. It could be that the preliminary anger makes it easier on us when they do pass, though I'm sure there will be feelings of guilt. I bet a lot of caregivers have these thoughts, but keep them hidden. They seem too awful to say.
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yes I take care of both my father and my mother, and I know what you going troud. But what I did was finder home care help if you mother has Medicaid they have one very good program call ppp righ now I have 3 care given and I work and I can more time for myself. Gad bless you
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Contact your county area on aging services and see what resources might be available to help you care for your mom

For those of us who were and still are caregivers we understand and know how difficult it is but you don't want to end up in your own health crisis
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I totally understand. The guilt, angry and wanting to walk away comes to visit me weekly. If you can find some counseling or therapy, some one to talk to helps. I personally can't afford it so I get help here and I started my own blog to vent and just get it out. I also joined a facebook group to talk to people.

I think we all go through this and it has nothing to do with the love we have for the person we are caring for. Nothing can prepare you for the task of care giver, no matter what you think.

Try to if see your mom qualifies for any in home assistants even if it is just a few hours a week. Use them and get out and do something for yourself during those times. I am starting to force myself to take even a 15 minute break everyday just to do something just for me. It is helping.

You are not alone.
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