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SueC, that was excellent advice. Wish I could like it more than once.
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Hi Terrified,
I remember this phase. It was the worst phase so far (she's in stage 6 now). I was so hurt and embarrassed by what mom said. And she was no sweetie pie to others either. It's as if all inhibition is lost and, just like a small child, they blurt out whatever they are thinking, like it or not.
They are completely irrational because their brain is being eaten away. They don't have memory or control of what they think or say. I remember being devastated with things like, "You stole all my money." "You threw me on the floor and stole my pain medication." "You want to molest me in the shower." Oh God, what horrible (and untrue) accusations! She told everyone at the senior living apartments these stories also. I was investigated by Adult Protective Services and "cleared" due to her advanced dementia. I moved her into memory care shortly after that.
Sunny girl and jeannegibbs have great ideas. I can't think of anything I would add to their recommendations. I'm empathizing with you, this is a damn hard phase of this disease.
Just explain that mom has dementia and most people will understand her horrible behavior. Try to avoid an argument and agree with her even though what she's saying is absurd. A person can't get mad or argue with someone who is agreeing with them. Learn diversion tactics. Switch the subject, tell her you have to go to the bathroom, press the ringer on your cell phone to simulate a call, do whatever you need to do to change the situation. If it gets too bad (and you live separately) go home, if you live together, go to your room.
Even though you can't fault her for her behavior, you are human and may find you have a boiling point with her nastiness. That's OK. Leave BEFORE you start screaming back. Or, as others on this board do, go scream your lungs out in a closet or garage, just not at her. We've all been through this phase. We're available as a shoulder to cry on and an open ear. This phase will pass (but not nearly soon enough). Good luck and God bless you all.
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Good points above. I'd also add to try to get help with your mother. Taking breaks and not neglecting your own interests will help ward off exhaustion and overload. This site is quite helpful. I learn something almost every day. It's good to just vent as well.
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I'm not going to repeat what Sunnygirl1 wrote, but I do agree with it completely. It is out of your mother's control. Meds can help. How you treat her can diffuse the situation somewhat.

Was your mother generally belligerent before the dementia set in? If so, there may be other things going on in addition to the dementia. Again, medication may help.

It is extremely common for persons with dementia to worry that someone is stealing from them, and to make accusations. My husband accused me of stealing. (Kind of ironic since I was the one supporting us. Sort of like you using your own funds and still Mother accuses you. Nothing is fair or logical about this disease.) BTW, you didn't ask, but I'd question the wisdom of using your own funds for mother's needs. You will be old someday, too. Who will be paying for you?

Often the "stealing" paranoia goes away, as Sunny says. For my husband it lasted a few months ... the worst few months of his 10 years of dementia, in my opinion! But it did leave completely.

Are you living with your mother? If not, how much time do you spend with her? Is your father a part of this picture? What kind of doctor is following your mother's dementia" (GP, Neuro, Psych, Geriatrician, etc)

I strongly suggest joining a support group, preferably one for caregivers of persons with dementia.

Come back and post here anytime. Lots of us have been through what you are experiencing.
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Your profile says that your mother has midstage dementia. I'd focus on not arguing or disagreeing with someone who has dementia. You won't be able to convince her, so, plan in advance how you will respond, without contesting her.

People who suffer with dementia really aren't able to control their behavior. It's due to the brain damage. I know that it can be very hurtful and frustrating, but, it's a medical issue and the patient can't be blamed. I do think that if you can accept that it's not her talking, but, her illness, it's easier to deal with it.

I would keep in mind that sometimes this kind of behavior can fade away as she progresses to another stage. Still, I would discuss her behavior with her doctor. If she is depressed or anxious, medication can sometimes help with that. My LO's mood got much better when she went on a daily med for anxiety and depression. She then seemed content and is very kind to everyone.

You can also go to you tube to view videos by Teepa Snow on understanding and managing the behavior we encounter with people who have dementia. I have found them helpful. Perhaps, you can explain to others what is going on with your mother, so they understand.
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