Am I going crazy???!! Am I wrong???? I'm so new to all of this. My uncle (lives in Las Vegas) Has been to a neurologist (I took him to this appointment, I live in California) he has a tentative dx of dementia/Alzheimer's.
My younger brother lives in Vegas but has never gotten along with my uncle (my uncle doesn't trust my brother) so before I left Las Vegas (2 weeks ago) I asked him to please get uncle to his EEG (done, with a big fight with my uncle) MRI (not done) and a appointment with a neuropsychologist (scheduled)
Since my brother had to fight and argue with my uncle to get him to his EEG he doesn't want to do anything else for him. But if there was money involved I'm sure he would.
I'm closest to my uncle and my aunt told me years ago that if anything happened to her to promise that I would take care of my uncle because I'm the only one in the family that my uncle would listen to. I'm like the daughter they didn't have. They wanted to adopt me and they named me, we were/are very close.
All I asked my brother was to TRY. I've also been in contact with home health agencies but I know my uncle will not open the door to let them come into his house to do an assessment (this is the paranoia) There is a elderly woman who lives there who has her own medical problems, my uncle and this woman were together in high school (64 years ago) My uncle had been married to my aunt for 62yrs until she died 2 yrs ago, then 6 months later this other woman moves in. This is another long story. This 82yr woman is jealous of me. She can't make my uncle do anything either. The last time I went to Vegas (I have keys and my own room at my uncles house) there was rotten food in the refrigerator!! She nags at him and then he gets verbally abusive/agitated towards her. I've seen this.
My uncle refuses to take his meds, is non compliant with appointments so getting home health would be a big help plus take the problem of my uncle away from my brother.
My uncle is also a retired Col in the Air Force so I called the veterans administration and had a woman call me back and say she would go to my uncles house too see if there is some kind of long term care through his Tricare insurance to pay for home health, if not I would be paying for this until I can get POA (with the help of an Elderly attorney) and possibly conservativeship for my uncle.
So my brother wants to do nothing at this point and thinks my uncle can make his own decisions and he was done "fighting" him and I should stop trying to "ambush" (yes this was his exact word) him into doing things he doesn't want to do.
1st off my brother read the same report I did, he's noticed my uncle is confused. So the "expert, the neuro is wrong? I'm "ambushing" my uncle by trying to get him help? So we just wait for something to happen so social services then takes over? My uncle has money and a big house, assets.
No one can make him do anything he doesn't want to do, I get that, but he has crashed into objects with his car, (Dr contacted DMV uncle has to take the actual driving test) he's confused, angry, paranoid. I've been reading about dementia/Alzheimer's and this is all a part of it. He's sick, he can't make decisions! I told my brother to read up on dementia/Alzheimer's.
I guess my aunt already knew I'd be taking care of my uncle alone.
Thanks for reading this, I just feel so alone tonight, I'm starting to question myself, am I doing the right thing by my uncle?