Should I decide to learn how to be a caregiver by taking hospital education courses?

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He is a widower with 2 children 23 and 28. The 23yr old son is a College student who was going to take test and apply to Medical School. 28 yr old daughter has anxiety and a 3yr old. Today at the hospital the Social Worker presented my Nephew with the 24 hour Care Plan to be filled out and implemented upon BILs discharge. The Transplant will take place 2hrs from our homes. Following surgery BIL has to remain within 60 miles of hospital along with 3 full time Caregivers. Son will be first Caregiver. That is where the list ends. I so want to help these kids out. But being stuck in an apartment for at least 30 days helping care for someone having had this surgery, I can't seem to wrap my head around it. Should I decide to do this there are in hospital education courses. But I would like to hear some personal experiences before I commit myself.

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Thanks Send,
I could never say the words out loud now to family. There would be major waterworks from all including myself. Someday when time has passed I'm sure there will be a big toast to BIL with frosty beverages. I will throw in my thoughts from what I wrote above. Thanks for the idea!

I read a lot on this site and and occasionally chime in. But mostly just passing by myself. Lots of knowledge and help on this site but I enjoy the fun stuff most of all.
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Lizzywho61,
What you wrote was an amazing eulogy to Bil's life.
" BIL was so full of life and everyone in 3 counties best buddy. He and his son traveled the world after his wife passed. BIL could not have crammed 1 more hour of fun into his 52 years. It's almost as if he knew on some level he would not be with us into our old age."
I sincerely hope you get to share your kind words with your family members.
Just a stranger here, passing by, amazed by your Bil's story and your dedication.
Sorry for your loss.
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Thanks everyone for your condolences. It has only been 8 days but in a way it feels like it has been a year. Lots of things to get through. Then the scramble through paperwork to try to get taxes to CPA. I was put in charge of that. I pulled an all nighter and we got that delivered today. BIL had a 3 page handwritten and sealed Will in his is safe. The Will was very specific. We had an attorney come to BILs house. There was an old fashioned reading of the Will at the dining room table. This IS Texas y'all. The Attorney is showing the Will to a judge to make sure there are no problems. The Attorney says he sees no problems. Though not recommended holographic Wills are legal in Texas. BIL left a chunk of change to Nephew to pursue becoming a doctor. Everything else split evenly. BILs sister my best friend and I have counseled, advised,etc,etc about not blowing through the money. Kids met with BILs financial advisor today before we met with BILs CPA. They were advised, counseled, etc by both financial advisor and CPA. So...the Old Girls have done all we can do. Now we sit back and watch how this unfolds. BIL was so full of life and everyone in 3 counties best buddy. He and his son traveled the world after his wife passed. BIL could not have crammed 1 more hour of fun into his 52 years. It's almost as if he knew on some level he would not be with us into our old age.
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So sorry for your loss!
Looks like the family were right nearby or coming soon.
May their presence console you.
{{{{Hugs}}}} to you and your family Lizzywho.
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Oh Lizzy; I'm so very sorry!
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Lizzy, I am so sorry for your loss.
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BIL passed away this evening. Today was a train wreck that just couldn't be stopped. 2 of BILs siblings were at the hospital and his son. BILs daughter, his sister, her husband and myself were headed to hospital. BIL died while we were in route. My husband, BILs brother is in Kansas he will be here tomorrow. He is taking it very hard. I just got home from Houston. I will have to tell my son and daughter in the morning. Some deaths are harder than others. This is going to be a hard one. I will be back next week if time allows. This sucks.....
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Lizzy---

Well, this is totally normal on all parts. Sorry to say that, but this "pre transplant-I'm super sick and may die" attitude is REALLY hard to deal with. Your BIL is getting the best care possible, I'm sure. I wouldn't even be surprised to find that my SIL has seen him, he's doing transplant rounds now--(he is going to be a Hepatologist specializing in Liver transplants)...small world.
The whole family needs to be on the same page. Period. The SW is just doing her job (ours was a joke, I asked her for help so many times and she'd push these pamphlets across her desk--she NEVER walked down the hall to even MEET my hubby!)
There likely will be more of these "days", before, or if, your BIL makes it to the actual transplant.
As I have said (and not to appear a saint, which I MOST assuredly am NOT!!) I was the only person on board with hubby's post op care. I had to address the depression he had (and still has, times 10, now)...I had to drive to every single apt and take notes. I had to deal with the ins. co. by myself with hubby second guessing me all the way. I shopped, fed, cleaned, babysat....and hubby wondered why I "tanked" when he was "better".
Maybe there are a few too many of you running to him? I don't know. Hubby would state he wanted visitors, but he slept through most visits and he is almost 100% amnesiac about the 2+ weeks he was in the hospital.
Hang in there, you are SUPPORT, not his primary caregiver.
DEEP BREATH. Many things are out of your control. And good luck. My heart aches for everyone involved in this. NOTHING can prepare you for the emotional rollercoaster you're on. Just try to pamper yourself just a little and set boundaries....and know that somebody out in cyberspace really "gets" what you're going through.
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Yes the title did change. The new title was never the question. Training would be required. Anyway...site admins changed it as they saw fit but in a curious way.

LVAD is left ventricle assist device.

I was not there but after hearing their stories my conclusion was "yesterday" BIL is not on board in any form or fashion. He is on a roller coaster. We will see what today brings. Judging from yesterday, it appears to me BIL declineing treatment and wants to be left alone to die. That was Niece's take on the situation last night. If that is his decision, that's his decision. He has a Nurse Call button he refuses to use. He better get used to using it.

Tough Love: I can do it but it will bear more weight if it comes from from his brother, my husband. That was my reason demanding a command performance by him. He's definitely a tough love kinda guy. The plan is to see what today brings.

I have dealt with ICU Psychosis with my Dad as explained to me by the RN on duty. Dad wasn't in ICU but she said it applied. BIL is not in ICU either. I have wondered if it might apply in this situation.

The text msgs have started coming in as I started typing so I better sign off.

The only good thing about yesterday. BIL only had one functioning vocal cord. I know, I am terrible but I couldn't resist.
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left ventricular assist device, LVAD? And BIL has become a monster? He is scared to death. Hasn't signed poa's or DNR or anything else? Medical release? I am so sorry Lizzy. Therapy would help him, but he has to agree and want it for it to help him. Great that nephew has returned to school. He cannot help his dad if dad does not want or accept the help.

Good for you establishing your boundaries. A screaming child is very hard to comfort. This is hard on her too, she needs support from someone she has a trusting and loving relationship with. When they are so young, unfortunately many times only a parent will fill that role.

BIL needs to understand that his children are young and they have many responsibilities. They have their entire lives before them and he by not being cooperative is making this much more difficult for EVERYONE in the family. Their hands are tied until he changes his outlook. There is nothing anyone can do.

No real advice here but only understanding that some situations are impossible. That he is competent makes it even more difficult. All we can do is the best we can. Establish boundaries, stick by them. Show some tough love knowing that maybe this will help BIL to face reality which he is not at all acknowledging now.
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