As the executrix of Mom's Will, can I restrict who can come to her wake and funeral? -

As the executrix of Mom's Will, can I restrict who can come to her wake and funeral?


Dad is gone. I am not trying to be mean, but my sister's husband tried to kick my parents out of their home that my parents helped them to purchase with the understanding that my parents could live there til death. When it was no longer convenient for my sister and husband to have them next door-houses were connected, my brother-in-law wanted them out. He owns the house, did I mention my parents helped them buy. Anyway, long story short, they, are out now. My dad has passed and my Mom is in a nursing home. As her executrix of her will, I really do not want all of my sister and her husbands friends coming to her wake. She does not know them and never will. There are many. My Mom never liked my brother - in -law, just put up with him for my sister's sake. He is loud and boisterous and just an ass. Why she ever gave them money to purchase a house together is beyond me. But what is done is done. Please help. I really don't even want him(brother-in-law there), but I know I can't stop that. Before you ask, no I am not jealous that my Mom gave them money. My husband and I have our own house, paid for and we also put two kids thru college. No help from parents. I have always loved and respected my parents and did not want them bullied by my sister and her husband. No we do not speak to one another. I am the caretaker of my Mom. At least she had the good sense to make me executrix of her will! Thanks in advance for feedback.
For all I know, I may go before her, then I won't have to worry!!!!!

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Actually, after reading Pam's response, I like her suggestions better!

You can always get together with the relatives at a time and place other than the funeral.

It's too bad that anyone has to deal with relatives like this - it's hard enough to deal with the loss of a loved one.
Helpful Answer (1)

A few things you could do...

Contact only the people who want to attend to advise them of the funeral.

Advise the funeral home that you don't want an obituary published, either in a local newspaper or online. Advise family that you don't want the undesirable relatives to know when your mother passes.

They may find out anyway, so I would at the time of her death speak with the funeral director about how to prevent them from coming. It may be that you'll have to negotiate some type of screening and have the funeral home call the police if they show up.

This is what I plan to do as there is one relative who absolutely should not be involved in any of our family's activities, but she's likely to show up and become belligerent if she knows of a funeral to be held.
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If I had this many axxholes for relatives, I think I would skip the wake entirely, just do a memorial service in her church and not even bother with the procession to graveside. And then there is the funeral breakfast/lunch, I would skip that too. I don't blame you for not wanting them there. I can just about guarantee they will make Probate a frickin' nightmare. My condolences.
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