My relative, with early cognitive loss, and I had argument we haven't spoken for 2 wks. How do I resolve this? - AgingCare.com

My relative, with early cognitive loss, and I had argument we haven't spoken for 2 wks. How do I resolve this?

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I told her to rely on grandchildren. I am burnt out but feel guilty. She brought up my health issues that made me feel so hurt. I live 15 mi away Im a nurse and the issues were her frequent er visits and medication.Any suggestions ? my therapist told me to back off for my sake . I told one granddaughter and now she's mad.

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I am guessing that the grandchildren are mad that you dumped G-Mom's needs on them, and I am guessing that Mom is genuinely unreasonable and only going to get worse, and they know it as well as you do.
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The granddaughter is mad or the relative is mad that you told the granddaughter?

Also, I'm failing to put these bits together straight: you were hurt by her ?accusing you of not coming up to scratch with taking her to ER and assisting with her medications? I'm not sure where the hurt is, or why you're burnt out (with this relative or with other family burdens too?), or where the therapist comes into it.

To solve the not speaking for two weeks, simple: pick up the phone and tell her what's on your mind.

But why, exactly, are you keen to resolve the argument? How would you like your family relationships to be, looking ahead?
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If your relative is visiting the ER frequently and is non compliant (due to confusion perhaps?), she almost certainly needs a higher level of care, not more time from you. She doesn't want to face this, and I'm sure her family would also rather you just took care of things. We burnout when we take on a job that is beyond our capability. She needs much more care (and care from someone she'll listen to) than any one human being can provide.

Step away and either let others step up or let her find out that she needs a different path.
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Sounds like she's "pushing your buttons" by bringing up something that makes you uncomfortable.

You state that she's a relative; what relation is she to you?
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Back off, stay away, you don't need abuse. She needs assisted living and you know it. The granddaughter needs to step up to the plate and not try to shift the blame to you. Screen your calls and cut them loose. Shame on them for letting this wear you down.
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