I actually live in the UK but I joined this group and am really grateful for all the help and support it offers, thanks!
My 78 year old Mother is now in a Nursing Home following two major strokes. I haven’t much in the way of family to turn to, and so I visit her every day.
I think I’ve been a good and dutiful daughter over the past 18 months and have done a lot for my Mother to make her happy and comfortable, fighting her corner. She is popular in the Home and well liked by staff / others as she smiles a lot, even though she can’t speak well due to the strokes.
Whenever I visit I’m always incredibly upbeat and keep conversation going and hug her and tell her I love her. She has been though so much.
I usually stay an hour or so with her in her room or the lounge; sometimes slightly longer.
She is lovely and engages well (and I can’t imagine life without her), but often when I come to say goodbye and leave to go home she refuses to look at or speak to me, turning her head away and clutching her cheek, as though in pain. If I go to kiss her, she says “No”. She sometimes induces a coughing fit too.
I panic and fuss around. I don’t want to leave on a sour note in case something befalls her.
There are other regular incidents / health worries and moods. Thursday’s was that she didn’t like the trousers she was wearing and today’s meltdown was because I showed her a photo of a man I like - and she clearly didn’t approve of him and angrily started shouting “Don’t” and refusing to speak to me. But at other times I don’t know why she is like this. It just comes on from nothing. I try to make exceptions because of course she has a brain injury, but things do get me down.
I frequently go away from visiting her in a state of real anxiety. I even keep a “list of apprehension”! I am wracked with guilt tonight. I just wish I hadn’t shown her the photo. And I just wish I could have some normal drama-free visits, but this seems too big an ask!
Thank you x