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I retired early three years ago for a combination of bipolar disorder, chronic migraines, and fibromyalgia. For financial and other reasons, I have been living with my parents, each in a different stage of Alzheimer's/dementia. At first, it was ok. But my bipolar is rapid cycling and I had to be hospitalized last year for a combination of psychotic break and exhaustion. As their conditions have declined, the stress on me has gone through the roof. But we cannot get my parents to agree to move to AL. I'm having to over-medicate myself with Xanax, adderal, and nighttime tranquilizers to try to stay functional. I'm still waiting for my SSDI benefits but in the meantime I feel like I am drowning. Any suggestions on how I can preserve my own fragile health condition? Trying to bring in a caregiver a few days a week was a dramatic failure because Mom didn't want to stay alone with someone she didn't know.

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I can only imagine how stressful it must be. Things with your parents will progress, so, I'd immediately see an attorney who can advise you on what you can expect to happen if your parents go into AL, Memory Care AL or Nursing home. Will they have funds to cover it, long term insurance or will they apply for Medicaid? I'd find out what rights you may have to keep their property lien free, if they do get Medicaid, as a child who lived in the house and cared for them before they went into long term care. There are guidelines about those things.

Also, do you have an attorney representing you in your Disability Claim? That's very important as most people are denied initially. I'd get legal help quickly to preserve your rights.

Regardless of how they finance long term care, I'd make sure that I knew all my options legally so you can plan financially. That may make you feel a lot better and take some of the stress off. I'd keep in mind that regardless of their protests, they will eventually not be able to stay alone in their home with you, since even young people with no health problems would not be able to care for advanced dementia patients in the home. That requires 3 shifts of people and around the clock care. With your disability, it's just not feasible, so, I'd start looking for places.
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Bipolarpain, first take some of the pressure off of yourself. Get a housekeeper for 2 hours once a week. If they are on Medicaid, they can get help up to 8 hours a week for household chores. You will find this person to be a wonderful person to chat with; it helps unload the worry.
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Bipolarpain, I can understand the health issues from all the stress and exhaustion. What happens some times is that our parents don't see us as grown retired adults, we are still that 30 years old who can do anything.

Can you still talk to your parents where they can understand? If so, sit down with the parent who is still able to think clearly. Tell him/her that they both need a higher level of care that you cannot give them. And ask him/her what do they suggest? Sometimes if it is their idea, they will go along with it.

It is so very hard to keep up with our own health. I didn't live with my parents but I had to do whatever was needed regarding driving. And I hated to drive their car. I gave up keeping my own doctor appointments because with two parents there was always something higher on the triage list.
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It is not your job to get your parents to agree to move to AL. Notify the siblings mentioned in the "WE" cannot get my parents to agree.


You will understand more at a later time why I have kept my answer short.
How old are you, and when did you file for SSDI? Come back....
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