I have chronic pain, really bad, depression/anxiety so severe with lethargy, but I drag myself an hour each way to be with mom on weekends. I swear, she's been the energizer bunny full of health and the one I turn to until last year. (no teenager could keep up with her) I have hard time with my own life, I can't think or focus on top of pain. I do have private disability I'm sure I'd qualify for, but I'd lose my insurance? I decided in January, I couldn't take the pain anymore, and I would do whatever necessary, got all new MRI's & have spent last 5 months going up and down a building seeing Spine doc, (said he can't see anything surgery could help, try injections, which backfired) Knee Doc: knee is mess, but just injections there too, and then FOOT Pain unbearable came after knee injury, I think from walking like a drunk duck, but Knee Doc, didn't know problem, so injections there too. 14 cortisone injections, and I'm not much better off.

MY QUESTION? My job is so stressful, (miracle I have one with my focus issues and depression). I wondered, has anyone experienced a similar situation, but found a huge release of tension/severe anxiety constant fear and pain by letting go and just trusting God? The Long Term Disability would pay enough to make it, it's just the insurance, at 62 I will have none. I've been under pain management 19 years, just never feel well. I live an hour away from Mom, for 35 years it's been my prayer I'd be able to think clearly and physically as well as mentally be able to be what mom needs. I've been going up on week for 19 years, and the schedule is killing me, my own home is just let go as I'm never home. Any input or experiences from ANYONE would be appreciated. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO, and by letting her down, my depression is only worsening.
God Bless anyone reading this............ thank you


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Not sure if its too late to try for SS disability because at 62 you can start collecting SS. But if you can get SSD you will get Medicare and Medicaid.

I would talk to a SS lawyer. They cannot charge you. They get paid by SS.
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Keep your job until you can get alternate insurance. Cobra was expensive for me (almost $900) when I was on it years ago.

Take a breath and look into your company benefits package very well.

I agree with Shell. I would try to find a good chiropractor. When you find the right one it is amazing how much better you can feel. You don’t need a bunch of X-rays if they know what they are doing.
Are you suffering from an accident or arthritis?

Do you take anything for anxiety. When I’m very tense I get back pain. I use CBD oil to ease the anxiety which in turn helps the back pain.

What alternatives do you have for mom? Is the weekend trip to check on her, to take her supplies, etc?
If so consider cameras, delivery of essentials. A housekeeper.
Give us more info on mom’s condition so we can understand what you are dealing with.

Somehow you need to buy yourself a few years but you sound like you feel miserable.

Im really sorry and hope you find the right solution.
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May I suggest to see a Chiropractor, depending what it is, but a Chiropractor can do a lot more than what people think. I lived with pain for 6 yrs straight then I found the right Chiropractor and within a month I had my life back.

Maybe you can get SSD, but you will be on a tight budget. I quit my job years ago because I became ill...I wish that I didn't...big mistake!

Just a thought!
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dena, regarding your back, knee and foot pain, something as simple as purchasing foot arches, which are placed in your shoes [must be sturdy shoes] could make a difference after awhile. Fallen arches can cause a world of pain. It may be worth a try. Drug stores and places like Target will sell these arches.
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Isthisrealyreal Jun 2019
Be sure and use them sparingly for the 1st couple days and build up hour by hour to a full day. If you don't, you will hate them and never wear them.

They do help with your skeletal foundation and would probably help with your pain, to a degree.
I had a very high stress on-call job that I had always planned to exit around age 55 for something less stressful until reaching full retirement age at 66. My father had vascular dementia for several years before my mother's health starting failing too. I stepped down in the same company to a less stressful job for about 2 years, then took a leave of absence for 15 months to "stabilize" things with my parents care giving (including obtaining guardianship of my father, placing Dad in MC and moving Mom in with me). After taking a lower paid but much less stressful job with another company I ended up retiring on disability with my own chronic health issues a few months ago. I viewed stepping down to the less stressful job and income stream as just implementing my path to retirement a few years earlier than I had planned.

I do not regret that sooner than planned exit from working and I did much better when the job stress levels were reduced or gone. But that exit didn't place undue financial stress on me primarily because I had no debts, after gaining guardianship of my father my parents' money could be used to support their needs so I didn't need to supplement their household $1000-1500/month, and I don't have any problems living on a budget. I'm happy living in my home and attending local venues and events that are free or cheap with an occasional travel vacation every couple of years; that's all I can manage while taking care of Mom full time now anyway. I'm enjoying this stage of my life, at least most parts of it. I'm a bit younger than you and I hope to travel more in 10 years or with some of the by then older grandkids as my own health allows.

Your profile doesn't say but I'm assuming you are living in the USA. At 65 or after 2 years of SSD, you become eligible for Medicare. If your company is large enough (20+ employees) you should also have the option of 18 months of COPRA coverage where you have to pay the premium but you can purchase the same group plan at the same rate as the company has negotiated (the company does not pay part of the premium as it usually does with employees).

I'm very lucky to have access to medical insurance as a retiree of my former employer. I have to pay the full premium (much like COPRA coverage) but I am able to get affordable medical insurance.

Some family members currently use a subscription medical practice (where you pay a monthly fee and the practice does not take insurance) for basic care and a High Deductible plan to cover major illness or injury. I recently enrolled my mother is the subscription plan in addition to her Medicare and Medicare supplement because they make house calls and with Mom's limited mobility now, it's just so much easier to have a nurse practitioner come by the house and check her for basic stuff (like Mom's still has a cough after a short bout with the flu, could she be developing pneumonia?). Mom still has physicals with her PCP that's accepted Medicare+supplement and that doctor would be the attending when she needs hospitalization.

If you can develop a budget that includes medical insurance and doesn't create too much stress from financial concerns or because you need to step back your lifestyle, then leaving the job would probably improve your quality of life by allowing you to take better care of yourself (including appropriate exercise for your back and knees) and attend to your mother's needs too. Perhaps you could place her in an
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TNtechie Jun 2019
... continued

Perhaps you could place her in a senior apartment near you or you could move closer to her (without those work considerations) or if your relationship allows, combine into a single residence that meets the needs of you both (just be careful about combining money just in case Mom needs Medicaid within 5 years).
How many hours a week do you work?
How long have you been with this employer?
What do you like about the work you do?

I would never advise a woman (nor a man, but they don't usually need the advice) to give up gainful employment for the sake of caregiving. But your situation is rather different from most people's.

What about if you visit your mother every other weekend, instead of every weekend.

What about if you look for a comparable job and a new home nearer to her?

What about...

There must be loads of possibilities. But don't hand in your resignation unless we run out of them!

Hugs to you, this is hard. I'm sorry for what you're suffering.
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