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It's apparently just a last minute one-time thing, but it makes me feel vulnerable. I really don't like when people don't take care of their own business, and it falls on my shoulders. I don't want to say no, because it seems wrong. At the same time, I worry about the ability of the CG to adequately care for two individuals OR supervise their kid the entire time to make sure they don't put anything in their pocket. They're also getting paid to do a job, and I volunteer (would never accept money from GM) to do the same thing so it frustrates me that I can't have peace of mind the few days a week I'm not there. One of her rings has been missing for a few weeks, and my radar is up. I don't like that I think that way, but I can't help it.

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Tell her sorry but you rather she didn't. Go with you gut. I find out when I don't, I should have. You don't explain why just you rather she didn't. Like you say, she is there to do a job.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 4, 2019
Sensible advice here.
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I can see being flexible if you have a good relationship with the caregiver and it is a one time thing due to their sitter cancelling out or something like that because the alternative might be that they would have to cancel on you completely, not any more than once in 6 months though. And it really depends on the age of the kid and their temperament too - some kids can play quietly and some need a lot of attention.
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Troubledwaters Mar 3, 2019
I agree. Taking care of my grandmother couldn't be easier so it's a classic example of give an inch, take a mile. It being easy isn't an invitation to try to multitask. She has mild dementia and needs the right kind of attention, not more things that take her out of her element in her own home.
In the future, I'll have the agency call me if they can't find a suitable replacement. I'd rather do an extra night or 2 than worry and stress.
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I agree with Cwillie,, if it is a one off, and you like the CG,, it beats being left stranded when you need help
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Troubledwaters Mar 3, 2019
Im hoping...
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It's a 10. Don't do it.
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Troubledwaters Mar 3, 2019
Never again. Thank you
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The missing ring sends up red flags for me too. If you agree to this make sure it is a one time thing and stash away/lock up the valuables. How old is the child? I think I would try to have a back up in place in case this happens again. CGs get ill sometime.
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Troubledwaters Mar 3, 2019
All in a safe, but there are still items I worry about tempting someone. Child is 10. Our regular CG's seem to go out of town constantly and have one-off replacements like half the time. Makes me uneasy.
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I know that one of my aunt's caregiver did bring her daughter, but the child was well behaved and didn't bother anything. The ring would be a red flag, though. Caring for two people and looking after a child - no, I don't think many people could do their job like this.
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Troubledwaters Mar 3, 2019
If I knew the CG more, I could understand it a little better. But to be only the CG's second shift, and seeking liberties already seems wrong.
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10
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10. It’s not appropriate for a CG to bring a child to your mother’s home during the CG’s work shift.

Sounds like the CG is an independent hire and not through a agency, or the agency would be involved to find a replacement CG.

Trouble is, if you allow it once, it may happen again.

What an awful position this CG has put YOU in. The CG is being selfish to assume that caring for the CG’s child is also your responsibility as she is putting you in a tight spot that you should not be faced with. The CG should have a backup plan she can implement when her babysitter doesn’t show up.

As for the missing ring, make sure it’s truly missing before you take action. I don’t know why you would keep this caregiver who may be stealing from you and is now creating more unnecessary stress for you?

I would also develop your own “Plan B” and find another CG.
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Troubledwaters Mar 3, 2019
I told my uncle who has power of attorney and he is going to talk to the agency. The problem is, CG did come from a highly accredited agency... Thank you.
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I am with JoAnn go with your gut feeling. Remember this is a job for the caregiver and you are her employer; therefore, you need to set the rules of what you expect and want. CG is there to do a job and last I knew you don't bring your child to work. I would set the boundaries. Plus, I would probably be looking for a new CG asap.
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Troubledwaters Mar 3, 2019
Thank you. It's really challenging trusting strangers and the curve balls don't help. She is temporary, and this was only her second shift. CG seems nervous when talking to me, which is unusual compared to the others. idk...
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It was hard to say no the first time, but I don't think it will be next time
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10 Totally inappropriate
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If she is through an agency, I would be very surprised if bringing a child to her job would even be allowed due to insurance liability. It’s over now but I hope you told her that you cut her some slack this time, but she shouldn’t do it again, your contract with her agency probably doesn’t allow it. Boy I hate it when people you hardly know take such liberties. Grrrr.
My cleaning lady sometimes asks if she can bring her young teenage boy. I’ve know her for years, and like her a lot, and all he does is play on his phone, but he’s kind of a pita, so even then I cringe.
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Troubledwaters Mar 3, 2019
Right! there is always an element of "lack of control over someone elses actions" in parental situations! Lot's of kids would never steal, but plenty would(and do).How can the CG supervise the kid when she's caring to my GM?! It's not like her home is just one big blank room! I had my uncle talk to the agency about it and he was very clear with her. Basically what you said about the exception to this ONE situation this one time.

It's hard to say no because you want to help people, but you're paying someone to do a job! I feel for you with your cleaning lady situation. Hard to believe they don't see it as unprofessional either, but I feel like some people are just hard wired to ask for special treatment and be the "exception to the norm". I hate being an imposition and respect when people are diligent about being the same way.
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I guess I'll be odd man out here and say 1. I would have no problems with it. I would even set the kid up with a PS4 and let said kid go crazy.

I think it stems from the fact that I've traveled a lot. In many places around the world it's common to bring your kid to work. Be it whether you are a janitor or the CEO of megacorp. I've been in business meetings where there are kids running around the conference room. Bringing your kid with you is the way it's been done for hundreds of thousands of years. It's only within the last few decades that childcare has been a thing in the West. In many parts of the world, it's considered abandoning your child since you just can't be bothered to raise them.

I also think it helps whoever is being cared for to have children around. That's also the way it's been done for hundreds of thousands of years. This whole put the elderly here and the young over here thing is unnatural. In other parts of the world, child care and elder care are in combined facilities. It brightens the spirits of the old to have the young around.
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Troubledwaters Mar 3, 2019
I like the idea of kids being allowed into work places if it works. This is a bit different of a situation than your standard work situation because it's a private residence where we are taking a risk with very limited oversight on those days. There is no underlying trust since we do not have an established relationship with this person.
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We didn’t care when a caregiver brought a child to work as long as they behaved & weren’t sick. My mom loves kids so she really enjoyed it. It was a win-win for us, because it enabled the caregiver to show up for work (and someone absolutely had to be there) plus entertained my mom.
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Troubledwaters Mar 3, 2019
My grandmother has dementia and needs things to be consistent, not more confusing. Plus nobodies there to make sure things are ok. I'd simply be taking the CG at face value. It's also much different asking ahead of time vs just dumping it on us day of the shift. Like I need more things to stress about...
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Thank you for all of your thoughtful responses. It really helps to get different opinions from experienced people. In my day to day, it seems like I have very few people I can get input from.
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So no one called the agency when this happened?

Why are you dealing with this at all then? Did the CG tell you this and not her agency? Then I feel the CG was wrong again & should not be involving you & your family in her dilemma of lack of child care. The employee should show up ready, willing and able to do her job.

To find a replacement is the agency’s responsibility.
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Troubledwaters Mar 4, 2019
I think she probably knew it would not fly with her boss, and was like "if its not ok, i'll figure something else out, but would it be ok just this one time?". I think my uncle conveyed that this was not acceptable in the future. I believe he hasn't talked to the agency yet, but is planning to.

I agree, and do the same when I show up to a job. She was also like 5 minutes late, which never happens with any of the other cg's. One thing I found odd(and annoying) was that she told me how much my grandma missed me the day before and almost made me feel as if I was neglecting her by not calling and visiting throughout the day. Maybe they're used to family not being around, but i'm there 72 hours straight every week and don't get paid at all which is more than anyone else can say. She called me twice from my grandmas phone while I was eating dinner(and didn't leave a message) to probably tell me something that was un-necessary.
I get the feeling she was trying to gain re-assurance in the situation, and I gave her none.
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My home health cg wanted her daughter to look after my mother by herself. I flatly said no.
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Troubledwaters Mar 4, 2019
You're my hero.
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I know my own mother would absolutely love it as she loves children, but you have to be concerned with how your LO feels. Did you get any feedback from her as to whether she enjoyed having the child there? Whether she found her caregiver not as attentive due to the child's presence? If it changed her routine beyond her comfort level?
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Troubledwaters Mar 4, 2019
She has mild dementia, so I know it just makes for a more unfamiliar, and confusing environment. Sometimes she forgets t's her apartment when it's just me and her. Having a child there too, does not help. The caregivers are definitely not as familiar with dementia or alzheimers as I'd like.
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10.
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Care giver is employed to do the job as directed. In my opinion, it is not appropriate to bring a child into workplace. CG should focus on job. Should not divide attention in looking after child.
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Overall, I would say it is not appropriate to bring a child to work. I suppose there could be exceptions in extreme cases, some type of emergency.

I wouldn’t want to open a door to something that could happen on a regular basis. Plus, is the child well behaved or would she as a caregiver neglect your mom because she would become distracted with her child? A lot to consider.
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Troubledwaters Mar 4, 2019
Right! Plus with her neurological condition, it definitely doesn't promote a situation where she is in a familiar environment. It's a small apartment, and she gets confused enough when I'm around. Some of these caregivers are not as conducive to a calming environment, and I find them to be somewhat manic at times with not being content just sitting quietly and getting paid. Bringing a child inevitably just makes an already confusing situation even more so.
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I allowed my caretaker to bring her son. My Mom loved little ones and the three of them enjoyed the day together. Mom had a scooter and would take caleb on the scooter and Caleb's Mom would walk beside the scooter. They would NEVER EVER have stolen from me. I trusted her and she was wonderful to my Mom. One of the other caretakers started bringing her dog which my Mom also enjoyed but when it peed on my coach I put an end to that! File a police report for the missing jewelry. It puts them on notice that you know and it wont go unpunished. Call the insurance agent and file a homeowner's claim after filing the police report. Good Luck!
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Troubledwaters Mar 4, 2019
Good advice esp on the police report just to cover bases. TY. It sounds like you had a good situation going, and you trusted them. I just haven't known this person very long at all(second shift ever)
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Hello, Troubledwaters. You've gotten some good answers here from both ends of the spectrum. I guess I'll just jump in with a slightly different take on the matter than I've seen yet, although someone did mention insurance issues.

My thought is this. Suppose the child had some kind of emergency during the day? The CG might then have to leave your mother to take care of that. Not likely but ... I'm just agreeing with those who say the CG's attention is divided when she should be 100% focused on Mom, and that's what she's being paid for.

I can totally sympathize with you. I get completely aggravated with people (I have a close relative!) who blindside me by making inappropriate requests on short notice. Then I get even more aggravated with myself because I was "nice" and said no when I shouldn't have. That sets a precedent, and makes it harder to say no when they ask again.

But the thing is, I can just about bet that she *will* ask again! So I can prepare how to say no next time. Hang in there. Take a deep breath. And don't worry too much about hurting her feelings. Focus instead on the safety of your Mom, and getting what you are paying for. Good luck!
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Troubledwaters Mar 4, 2019
Thank you, and I would tend to agree with you. When I get called to do a job, I don't say yes unless I have the proper tools and know I can show up prepared to work on time...
I wouldn't be as successful as I am if I constantly asked for special treatment, and believe me, I don't expect any. I wouldn't have it any other way!
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10
Extremely inappropriate.
Childhood illness (if exposed) would not be good for an aging adult.
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cwillie Mar 4, 2019
That is a twist I never thought of, I just assumed the child's caregiver might be sick, not the child.
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Where I live, It’s actually quite common for caregivers to bring their children to work. Most of them time they are employed by the person needing care, through the IHSS program. So they aren’t licensed workers or anything. They get paid minimum wage with no benefits so it’s common for mothers to work for IHSS because they can bring their children to work.
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kirahfaye Mar 5, 2019
I'll fall back on the old adage "just because you can do something doesn't mean you should".
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If it happens again, leave a couple of coins out in full view and see if they are still there at the end of the day. Then you know if you have a problem. And ask your grandmother if she would like the child to come or not like it.
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Troubledwaters Mar 5, 2019
Im going to try that, maybe with some silver
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Children are often sick walking contagions and will kill your loved one. fire your caregiver. Children also cause distractions and will cause your loved one undue stress.
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It is not appropriate. Their focus will be divided and your home is not a daycare for their child or children. Circumstances do differ but, for the most part, it is not acceptable. The aides are being paid to focus on your parent.

My radar over something gone missing would also go up. I had Nest cameras installed in my home and told the aides. No explanation is needed as to why - it is "your" home and you simply want peace of mind when you are not home particularly when multiple aides are going in and out of your home. If they are honest, they will understand and not mind.
You can even speak via the app and also listen. For instance, I once checked the app video on my phone and realized my mom was in the bathroom for quite some time while the aide was reading a magazine. Via the app, I asked her to please get up and check on my mom. She immediately did so.
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Troubledwaters Mar 5, 2019
Looking into nest. Thank you!
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Don't permit this. It will happen again if you say yes once. This happened to me except the caregiver simply showed up with the child. When I got home several hours later the boy was asleep in my bed! And the caregiver had gotten cold and helped herself to a pair of my socks from my dresser. She'd been a nice caregiver but taking those liberties was not on, in my book.

If the child had had an accident or gotten sick, andyour family member needed or wanted attention, whom do you think would be the priority? This is a very bad idea. As muh as we want to be nice, this isn't a path you want to start down. In fact I thought it was the fault of the agency who hadn't made clear to the caregive what her professional obligations entailed, ans shortly thereafter I changed agencies, even though we had had good aides from them.
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Troubledwaters Mar 5, 2019
Thanks, I won't again.
Now that's one i've never heard before! I don't know which would irk me more of those two things. I think i'd say "keep the socks".
When is it ever appropriate to sleep in someone else's bed that isn't your parent?
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I worked for over 45 years and never once took any of my kids to work except for "bring your kids to work" days.

This is totally unethical and unprofessional of the CG. She/he is being paid to do a job. You would be much better off giving her the day off w/o pay so she can deal with her kids.

You don't mention the ages of the kids, but that doesn't matter because each age group brings a different set of potential problems with them.

Don't do it, even if they promise it is only a one time thing. Once she/he takes advantage of you one time, it will happen again.
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