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It's apparently just a last minute one-time thing, but it makes me feel vulnerable. I really don't like when people don't take care of their own business, and it falls on my shoulders. I don't want to say no, because it seems wrong. At the same time, I worry about the ability of the CG to adequately care for two individuals OR supervise their kid the entire time to make sure they don't put anything in their pocket. They're also getting paid to do a job, and I volunteer (would never accept money from GM) to do the same thing so it frustrates me that I can't have peace of mind the few days a week I'm not there. One of her rings has been missing for a few weeks, and my radar is up. I don't like that I think that way, but I can't help it.

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I think this all depends on how the supervisor/employer and the individual receiving care feel.

If the individual receiving care is delighted by the young child, and made to feel even happier, is there a problem?

I wouldnt be too mad at the caregiver for making the suggestion. After all she didn’t refuse to come.

If you are flexible with her, she will be flexible with you.

Set the expectations though. If this situation simply is not acceptable to you, either flat out say, “no” or tell her that your expectation is that it won’t happen again
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Reply to ACaringDaughter
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Troubled,

Just my 2 cents but figured worth a mention. A similar conversation happened at my house .. my daughter and her grandma’s caregiver were just comparing daycare situations. My daughter being concerned told her “ while in between why don’t you bring her here with you” ( they both have 3 yo girls) The caregiver quickly stated “ So thoughtful but against the rules as well as unprofessional” ... she would never bring a child to a clients house for the sake of everyone involved as well as she would be at risk of losing her job with the agency. They ended up planning a play date at the park and the caregiver hired a sitter at her own house.
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Reply to Eyerishmimi
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First, my elderly cousin thought that things were missing and they always turn up. Soooo, unless you are extremely organized and everything is always in it's place, I would hold off on worrying about the ring. You could mention it to his housekeeper and ask her/him to keep an eye out. I believe that, given what caregivers get paid, most must really enjoy working with the elderly. If it is a one time thing, I would say yes, if the child is either a baby not walking yet, or old enough to sit with their ipad and quietly entertain themselves. A toddler probably requires too much attention and would make it difficult for the caregiver to get the job done.
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Reply to Daisyrose
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I rate it a 10. NO. Find a new caregiver. If she can't find childcare it is not your problem.
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Reply to janerides
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In regards to the missing ring,  my Grandma would accuse my Mom of "vacuuming up the ring" whenever Grandma heard a rattling noise while Mom was vacuuming.  Grandma was always losing jewelry or documents or dentures or bottles of medications.  One time Dad found Grandma's ring in the drain trap of the kitchen sink.  Another time Grandma lost her dentures.  Dad got on his knees, crawled under the dining room table (large wooden trestle table 4 X 8 feet), reached up between the wooden horizontal support beam and the underside of the dining room table top.  He found Grandma's dentures hidden on the horizontal support beam.  Grandma told Dad that she had hidden her dentures because "someone was coming into the farm house and hiding things from her so she was going to hide things from them first"!!!   LOL!
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Reply to DeeAnna
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I would not want it if the child was sick but, otherwise, I would be ok with them occasionally bringing an older child. I certainly wouldn't want a baby or toddler to be brought in.
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Reply to katiekat2009
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Children shouldn’t go to work with a parent to care for an elderly person. If a caregiver wants to take a child to a nursing home to volunteer with her, that’s fine with NH approval.

Caregivers are there to care for the patient. They are getting paid to do a job. Parenting is a job. How can a person do two jobs at once effectively? Why should a patient get shortchanged if the caregiver is paying attention to her child? The patient shouldn’t have to complete with a child. It would be an awkward situation.

I love children but it just isn’t professional. When I worked and it would have never crossed my mind to bring my kid.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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I agree with most of the answers that say it is inappropriate if you just go by the book. I think that in regards to caregivers however it's not always black and white. If she's been with your mother for a long time then she probably feels more like a part of the family than would most employees in a different occupation. If your mom and you are comfortable with her and it is only a one time thing I don't see a problem.
About the missing ring. I did hair when I was younger and became great friends with an older woman who use to go to the beauty salon. I used her as my model when I took my state board test and she followed me from the school to the salon I started at. I went to dinner several times with her and her son. We use to make tequilas on Monday nights and watch Survivor. About ten years after I had first met her i got a call from her son saying Mom was very upset and had been looking everywhere for her wedding ring. She had told him I was the last one at her appartment but she didn't want to confront me. I was hurt that she would even think I would do that. Two days later son called again mom found her ring. I was still young and naive about mental issues regarding the elderly back then and just chalked it up to a one time thing. A month later I got another call this time it was from the police. They said someone had filled s complaint involving me and I had to go down town and be questioned. Someone has stolen my older friends jewelry box and I was the prime suspect. I was floored! She insisted that I was the only one who knew where it was and that I had asked her to show me her jewelry. None of this was true. I was scared and pissed. She told me if I returned it she wouldn't press charges. I tried to tell her I had no idea what she was talking about but she was convinced. Long story short her once a week house keeper who she never mentioned to anyone was arrested for pawning some of her jewelry. Thank God the pawn dealer was on top of things and checked the stolen property reports the police hand out.
Turns out the house keeper was a cousin and had been helping her for 20 years. She only came once a month for a couple of hours and went under the radar.
That pretty much ended our friendship and she became increasingly paranoid before she passed.
Locking up her valuables wouldn't have stopped her dementia but, IMHO, it would have curbed some of her earlier distrusts and maybe even helped her quality of life in the end.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 1, 2019
Sparky,

What an awkward, awful ordeal to go through. I agree, the end of a friendship for sure. How could you ever trust her after that?
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My mom has Alzheimer’s and I travel for work so I have a caregiver stay with her . Her twenty eight year old son doesn’t have a car or a job and he drives her to our house. One night after I got off work I walked in the house to see him sitting on the floor in the living room petting our dogs. I was shocked and not happy. We have a big Collie/ German and he doesn’t like men and was barking at him. Our other dogs are sweet and he kept sayin he wasn’t afraid our dogs. The next week the caregiver came and here he is carrying her duffle bag. I went outside and told him that our dogs get to crazy with people they don’t know and also I want it calm and quiet for my mom. He said ok he was just helping with her bag. Now he waits in the car when he picks her up . The caregiver never even gave it a thought why he shouldn’t come in.
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Reply to Rilley
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Troubledwaters Apr 2, 2019
I definitely get it. To me, that's wrong since it's YOUR home. You should know who goes in and out...
Something i've noticed that's odd is a few times i've been by randomly to check in, caregivers will just randomly get calls and put it on speakerphone. My GM has hearing aids and dementia and any "noise" just adds to the confusion. I don't understand why it's not common sense that these are not appropriate work things. It bothers me a lot, I'm starting to feel like the bar is pretty low and that maybe taking advantage is common in these situations(especially with multiple CG who constantly change).
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Should not be allowed. I have contracts with several agencies that provide care to elders in their home. The aides are not allowed to bring any family member including children while they are "working". It could also be considered a HIPAA violation that the aide is sharing information regarding their client and the care that is needed. People who work in other professions do not get to bring their children to work, this should be no different.
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Reply to EllensOnly
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You said: "I really don't like when people don't take care of their own business, and it falls on my shoulders. I don't want to say no, because it seems wrong."

Ask yourself why it seems 'wrong' to you to express yourself/your feelings and needs, and set boundaries in this situation (and/or others)? When you realize you need to change your behavior and feelings, take control and responsibility for what you need to do, you will be able to do it. Yes, asserting yourself and your needs will initially feel uncomfortable because you are not used to doing it and any change in behavior is 'uncomfortable.' Nothing is falling on your shoulders - in this regard - unless you allow it.

I agree with many others. All valuables need to be locked up and/or at least 'out of easy visual sight.

Do you 'like' these children?
I am a strong believer in inter-generational support and socialization. Perhaps on occasion, the 'kids' can accompany the caregiver(s), if you feel it is appropriate. However, you need to make the rules that fit your comfort zone. This is your home and the responsibility for care - and the considerations - is up to you.
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Reply to TouchMatters
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Troubledwaters, did you say No?
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Troubledwaters Mar 11, 2019
Yes, and not in an off-putting way. Just "it's not appropriate with our circumstance". Thank you JoAnn.
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My father has had things stolen and also gifted things that were not really his to gift at care givers requests (some special impossible to replace keepsakes promised to grandson) . Like others said, valuables need to be locked up, if only to ease your mind things haven't been stolen when they were just misplaced.

If your parent is impaired physically and/or cognitively, it is not appropriate to put that on you to accept their child's presence. They may very well be the most well behaved child and even helpful, but they could just a well be a little rascal who gets dangerously underfoot or causes other distractions.

Your worries seem right on point. Good luck sorting it out.
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Reply to bettina
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I believe it is very inappropriate and would set a precedent for future occurrences, so better off not to start it and have the caregiver either find someone to watch her child or replace the caregiver for the day if possible/necessary. There are numerous reasons not to have the caregiver bring their child to a client's home, many already mentioned by others (safety from infectious disease and safety for both the client and child with distraction being a primary concern for both).
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Reply to Garlamba
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Zero - totally unacceptable.
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Reply to Myownlife
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As for the ring, it is possible she took it off and dropped it somewhere. Did you look under beds & furniture?
I had a woman with dementia take off her wedding ring and throw it across the room 3x. I tried to get her to put it back on. I took it to a nurse that had mult people around her. She logged it in, and called her family. They were greatful. I tried to get her to put it back on to no avail. So it is possible she took it off and its on the floor or in a drain trap. I hope you find it.
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Reply to Jasmina
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Troubledwaters Mar 6, 2019
Thank you, she has vascular dementia and not that bad. Just foggy sometimes, but she's still sharp! I looked everywhere!!! Or I think I did...
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About the possible theft of the missing ring: this is advice I give to anyone I know who uses an in-home caregiver. LOCK up any valuable property (expensive or beloved jewelry, keys not needed by the caregiver) and documents that might be used for fraudulent purposes (titles to property, checkbooks, bank statements, tax returns, PoAs, wills etc.). This is for both your protection and the protection of the aide.

I was a caregiver in a memory support home and before that cared for a family member with dementia, for whom I employed home aides. I believe that theft is the exception to the rule, but it can happen and when it does, it's an ugly thing to deal with. And let's be honest, some items that are described as "stolen" by the person who needs the caregiver, has been misplaced by that person and will eventually turn up. We need to reduce as much as we can the possibility that one bad apple might commit theft or fraud.
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Reply to thepianist
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Many elderly people, even with dementia, adore children and love being around them. If she would have called off, would you have preferred that? To me, it sounds like she was trying to do the best she could..... Having said that, if the child is an absolute terror, it could present a problem. It also depends on how long she was going to be there.....
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Reply to katydid1
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I dont think it was inappropriate to ask.

It would have been inappropriate not to ask.

Yoh said it am was just a one time thing.

Thst's Life and things come up.

You can always say No.
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Troubledwaters Mar 6, 2019
She wouldn't have asked the agency because they would have given her a flat no... why do the rules change for me?
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Two issues:

The child - depends on how well behaved the child is. If not "perfect angel" so as not to distract from her duties too much, then ok. Otherwise, no.

The ring - are you sure it's "gone" and not misplaced? Is this the only caregiver you have? If yes to both, fire her. And then remove from the house, or keep behind a locked door all valuables. This includes all true valuables and those that might sell well or be considered 'cool to have/give'. No exceptions. Ever. Sorry, that's the truth. And get nanny cams and use them. It's a worthwhile investment. Watch them daily for a while then spot check. Because they are memory hogs, they over write themselves in a matter of days or a week (or so) depending on the settings. Do you have a log that the caregiver has to write down what they do during the day? You should. And read it. You have to do these things. So sorry. God bless.
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Lizhappens Mar 5, 2019
Child - and depends on the age, like someone else said. And depending on the GM it could be a great thing.
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10. It's inappropriate, not on the level of bringing several children or "outrageously inappropriate", but inappropriate.
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Reply to pronker
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Totally inappropriate.
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Reply to Melimar
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Your gut is usually right.
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Reply to Jasmina
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I would rate it a ten being a "no go" because any number of things could happen -- the kid upsets the elder simply because the kid is there would be my number one reason. Also, if it's allowed one time, it's more apt to happen again.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Here, we don't have a problem with it but it depends on the age of the child and it can't happen every day. But I certainly wouldn't pay the caregiver any less and definitely wouldn't ask for a discount! As long as she is able to perform her duties, it's fine.
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Reply to Nayners24
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Isthisrealyreal Mar 5, 2019
There is no way you can have your child at work with you and do the same job. Kids require time and that is a fact. Why should anyone have to pay for 8 hours when part of that was spent dealing with their personal life.
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Some all round answers, but if you don’t have common sense or knowledge to discern with, Get someone who does.
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Reply to vonrock
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I haven't read all the responses.

I am of the frame of mind that there are lots of factors to consider.

1. How does GM feel about children?

2. Is caregiver offering a discount to you, since they can not provide the same care?

3. How does the child behave?

4. Assuming GM loves kids, can she participate in activities with the youngster?

I would think it could be a blessing for all of them. Our senior citizens have so much to offer young people and I think a one time deal could be used to break the monotony of life. If all the above is affirmative.

I owned a business and some took advantage of my easy going view point on kids in the office and others were more professional and wanted a separation of work and home. However, they would bring the youngsters in so they didn't have to call in sick and everyone was appreciative of the option to bring the kids to work. I did dock their pay based on time spent with the kidlets. Stopped abuse of the situation.

Use your best judgment, people will show their true colors. But I would demand a discount.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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What happens if the child becomes injured at your house. Caregiver can sue you.
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Reply to Karenbill7576
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I would give a 10=Extremely bad. Everyone should have a back up plan. When I worked it was either take a vacation day or find someone to watch your child.

If you starting to have a not so "peace of mind" feeling and some jewelry is missing, I would report this person to the agency. You are paying them to provide and give 100% of their care, time and attention. If this person is unable to do that then she needs to find another occupation. In an afterthought, maybe you should remove all valuables from the house. You hear a lot about care givers robbing the people they are taking care of. There is no need to entice someone who might be legit, but could be swayed to be bad especially if themselves are hurting financially.

They always say listen to your gut. Your "gut" is right the majority of the time.
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Reply to Sandyinstl
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It is beyond inappropriate to bring a child when you are working as a paid caregiver. Her job is taking care of your GM period. Your GM's and your wellbeing are the most important things to consider. It is not worth the stress to you. I would report her to the agency. The agency doesn't want their workers bringing other people into their clients homes. There is also a liability issue.
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